you never left

it is about how you told him that if a girl were to receive flowers from a guy, her heart would melt. it just hit me in the face, like a slap on the cheeks or even being smashed head on onto a wall. i realised that of all those flowers i had given you, did any of them really melt your heart? and if they did, does thinking of them now make you feel anything at all? does it make those tears cascade down your smooth rosey cheeks?

for me, it did.

"just get out of my life" is what i want to say, but my heart cannot bring me to that. up till now, i still don't know how you are. are you happy? you seemed to be. balls i say because i know you better. you will just never know me like how you think you knew. honestly, i don't think you knew me that much at all.

f*** it.

im trying to be happy with my life now, and hey, 3 weeks of exercising, dieting and bodybuilding has made some significant difference in the way i look. all worth it. i guess now i can put aside the cigs.