just worn out

there has been so many instances where i would just want to pick up the phone to give you a call. but i didn't. i couldn't. and i hate this feeling. my brain is continuously thinking of you, and honestly i'm just worn out because of this. my head is exploding. there's just so many things to think about.

i wonder how she might be. my life's a huge mess, a mangled mess of distant memories that cuts deep. sometimes i go to bed crying, and yea it has been weeks but those tears still do come out because of her, and for her. somehow something within me tells me that i should shut my eyes to all these things that would only affect me negatively, then again with my eyes closed i would be blind to what would come. i needed you, and that was then.

with all that aside, im currently enjoying my one week of leave. not exactly loving it though because i simply have nothing much to do. well everyday would simply be the same i guess: wake up to the sun and then start wondering what i should do during the day. okay at least i've planned to go to the gym on thursday and friday, but that is all i guess. nothing else planned.

so for those who are free just give me a call i'd be glad to go get some fresh air.

and to those enlisting on january into BMTC, hope to see you there. hope you get to be in my platoon, but trust me i wont make life any easier. i have to set the standards.