maybe i shouldn't

something came over me a few days back. i don't know why it happened but it just happened. i told myself to give her another chance. but why? i have no idea. probably it was the fact that i was feeling very lonely, or that i can't lay the past to rest. it can be painful at times i must admit, but sometimes the feeling simply dissipates and i feel an air of calmness. like when i hang out with my boys at the smoking corner, we can simply just let the world go away and leave it all behind. i think it is just the company of friends that helps to alleviate the hurt and distracts your mind from your day to day stresses.

thinking about the week that's passed, i realised that different parts of the week would conjure different moods. here's my day to day interpretation of the 5 days of the working week. or at least my working week:

monday
work has just begun, and i have a long way to go before i finally get to go home. i look at the forecast of training for the week, and plan my lessons accordingly. at night when i go to bed, i'd think of anything random, from my past to what i'd do in the future. and that includes the upcoming weekend which is in fact a number of days away.

tuesday
only one day had passed, so nothing special about the second day. i have to keep the enthusiasm going to last me till friday, and show my boys that i'm in the same situation as them. the nights are quiet and lonely, probably the most emotional of the 5 days as i begin to reminisce and immerse myself deep in my thoughts. i also think of the people around me, and wonder whether they know i exist, or just chose to ignore my existence.

wednesday
i'm halfway there, and trying to stretch for the weekend. but at times, i may feel like im stuck in the middle. 2 days passed and 2 days to go. stalemate. here i'd try to think about what i'd do on friday night, planning to enjoy my weekend while trying to make myself feel better about the slow and draggy week.

thursday
there's an aura that always accompany the thursday. the day would be as any other day, but the day would also beckon for the night, and then the night would beckon for the next day, which would be a friday unless the end of the world came springing up suddenly. i'd usually enjoy dinner at the SBL, or simply spend the night on the rooftop, staring at the sky and getting high. thursday nights are nice, because you'd think of going home, and you don't think of anything else.

friday
friday is d-day. it is the day where i would be able to go home. but, knowing that i'm in a training school, i'm always prepared to go home on a saturday morning, which is just a bummer. however the air on friday is just different. the morning would be slow and calm, then friday prayers at noon adds an air of serenity on top of the laid back day. and as the clock ticks towards the 5 o' clock mark, i would just be on alert, to get up and go. but if i were to stay back, the night would make me think even more. friday nights makes me think rationally, as i try to reason out the thoughts that i have had for the previous nights. then i told myself, maybe i shouldn't.

i'm kinda bummed by the fact that i'm not doing anything tonight apart from watching soccer at home. i was so enticed by the idea of going for a solo movie, meaning catching a movie alone. but i kinda fell asleep and woke up late. and i didn't know what show would be nice. maybe i'd go watch later... if i have the time.

suddenly i realise that doing things alone is just a darn sad thing to do. but hey i'm a living in a world where 6 billion people would live 6 billion different lives with 6 billion different needs... and 6 billion lonely people.