beautiful gray sunday

and today i woke up late. damn. in my heart i was cursing myself for my inability to be aware of the ringing alarm. as a result, i woke up too late to go to the beach early for a lovely morning run. it's kind of a bummer that it takes an hour or so to commute to the beach from my place, thus i truly envy those staying in marine parade or anywhere near the beach for that matter. in the end, i still ran the boring route around my housing estate. i love running, but somehow it makes running less enjoyable.

i still have yet to eat something proper, apart from drinking milo in the morning before my run. i'm going to indulge on some mouth-watering dishes later, and at the same time, enjoy the beautiful gray sunday. i'm rather puzzled at why people dread the dark gray skies on sundays. i say it is the most beautiful thing that one can ever experience on a sunday, especially in the morning. the cold air give you the opportunity to make yourself a warm cup of coffee or tea to start your day with, then as you watch your favourite sunday morning tv shows, you sink your teeth into those crispy kaya toast. and for those with large appetites, maybe a half-boiled egg to start with? lovely isn't it?

my stomach is starting to grumble. time for brunch.

tired and on saturday

well it seems that i'm finally back from work. field camp has been nothing but fun, but also tiring for me and especially my section commanders for their help and effort in instructing the cougar boys. i must admit they are a fun bunch those cougar boys, but they do get out of hand if you don't control them well. at least for some of them...

but anyways i was so glad to finally reach my doorstep yesterday, though i was feeling extremely exhausted and sluggish, i managed to force out a smile when i saw my dad and and siblings. and like many other tired person, the first pit stop in the house was the soft and springy bed mattress. and of course my guitar, which i then jammed the tune of Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls.

it has been raining for a couple of hours now, and somehow it makes the saturday gloomier than ever. well that's what i see from my perspective at least. but then i think again. i love the rain because it makes the skies dark, and when the skies are gray i decide how to make it blue again for me and for those around me. so many things i can do, like going to the beach (even though it's wet but the sea looks magnificent when pummelled by those rain drops), catching a movie (even watching alone can be a good experience because you'll be able to concentrate on the show more), and not forgetting shopping or even window shopping. and to end the day off, chill out at a nice spot overlooking the peaceful cityscape, or the distant sea while sipping an ice cold frap. when no one is around to accompany you, this is what you do.

i've always thought i needed her, oh how wrong was i. i'm living a love-hate relationship... with life.

down, down, drown

i'm going through the troughs of my life again, and well i must admit it isn't a very healthy thing to be caught in. i can hardly sleep at night, and i'd usually sleep with the lights on. things are just not going my way, and well i can't really expect it to go my way all the time. well firstly, my new room is infested with a host of insects that apparently knows how to hide themselves from me. i always get insect bites at night, and the worst thing that happened so far was waking up to a swollen elbow. and secondly, the roof would leak. rainwater would somehow trickle from the crevices and drip onto the right side of my bed. yes, half of my bed is now soaked, and i only sleep on the other half. the bed was not the only thing that was drenched, the floor too. something like dark water. gosh everything suck.

i was doing regular internet surfing and i found this:

"i just wished we never happened, and you never came along, and you never said yes, because now the hurt remains and will forever be a thorn in the heart. why was i so stupid to have even let it happen... i hate myself, i can't bring myself to say i hate you. i do still love you. maybe. i just don't know.."

truly i feel for this guy, i know his hurt, i know his sorrows. it's kinda amazing like how many people have problems with their relationships, and well it's not that hard to find out too especially if it is posted on the net. sigh, wish i could help him out.

oh well i guess i won't be putting anything up for some time now. i'll be out in the field next weekend (oh great) and would probably only be out on the following weekend. and well what's the weekend anyways, probably hang out awhile and then have to get home to do work. maybe if i have a long weekend i'd watch football outside, and maybe catch a late show. it's raining now, and usually i love the rain, but not today. maybe next time if it rains on a sunday, and if i have no work on monday, i'd give the beach a visit. maybe i could sing a couple of tunes and cry to the sound of the rain.

unlucky me

okay i didn't expect myself to listen to malay songs, but i guess im kinda in the mood for it nowadays, well technically not all malay songs, but i kinda stumbled across peterpan and i must admit they are pretty good. yes yes i may be slow to only find out about them now, but seriously they are good. oh and well they are not actually malay songs, but indo songs, and amazingly i am able to understand what they are singing about. finally a change of music.

i have this feeling that i'm a rather unlucky person, and i kinda found that out when i was walking home just now. probably it was the cool and dark night that somehow fired up the neurons in my brain and triggered the thinking, but yes it was a very interesting feeling i must say. why am i unlucky? well it is kind of a controversial thing to spew out so i'd rather hush up about it. well maybe one day if i feel that controversy doesn't affect me then i'd probably spill my guts out.

i must say, taking long walks are actually a very effective way to de-stress. i just love walking, apart from running to nowhere which would be slightly more tiring. and what would make the long walks better? music of course. grab that handy mp3 player and i'd probably walk for hours while being immersed in the sounds of my favourite tunes. well i wouldn't recommend having slipknot or kiss to accompany you during your journey because they'd probably make you want to kick every single dustbin you see along the way. and try not to walk where there's heavy traffic; you might be 'smogged'.

tomorrow is a work day and it's back to work. the sad thing is that my upcoming weekend would be going up in smoke because new boys are going to school. i wonder how they'd be like... and i really pray hard that i'd at least get a few days off from work the following week so that i may rest... oh well that's life for me.

and to all those that were present at wei jie's place on saturday, thank you for coming. it is a blessing to know that after all these years, we could still be as we were 3 years ago. hope to meet up with the rest of the guys that were unable to make it.

okay, now to finish up the mamee, apple juice and this entry.

another one?

i got this off from someone, where i got it i can't really say in case this person's identity is accidentally disclosed. i have no idea how i stumbled across it, but here it goes:

"thinking about the past makes me regret the things that i never did, the things i never gave, and the things i never said. and as i thought about it over and over again, i toss and turn around, plagued by sleepless nights and emotional instability. basically, i regret what had happened.

as i thought about you, the gaping hole in my heart widens as its walls crumble to the darkest of depths. the way you are, the way you feel, the way you are everything to me. were, not are. how could this have happened? that is a question that resonates in my head whenever my mind lapses. it breaks me down emotionally, like smashing a pillar. i feel so burdened.

you were my everything. now i've lost everything. goodbye."

seriously i hope that this person, whether he or she, is okay. i truly know how it feels. one has to learn to pick one's self up and everything would return to normal, hopefully.

twenty-o-seven today

well well its twenty-o-seven already and i spent day one talking on the phone from 0015 hrs to 0615 hrs, then sleeping till 1330 hrs, then watching tv till 1600 hrs, and then sleeping till 2000 hrs. cool huh? such a sleepy day the first of jan is. i think i better go do something productive tomorrow morning...

anyways i'm glad that the new year is here, and with the new year comes new stuff. i want to do new things, make new friends and buy new stuff, like probably a walkman phone or something. and looking back at 2006 i'm glad that i was able to keep in contact with my friends from jc because it has been a year since we went out own was. and of course someone whom i kinda left alone for close to 2 years, surprisingly clicked almost instantly with me. and so the new year isn't that bad after all.

i think life is being a little bit more complicated for me now. i can't really say it yet, because i'm rather uncertain about what is going to become of it. it happened so fast that i didn't have time to react. now im caught in the tangles; looking around for possible avenues for stress-relieving methods that would probably help me see this situation from an eagle's view.

happy twenty-o-seven.