reminisce

there's always something that i would never forget. oh how that day plays itself over and over again in my thoughts, just like silent movie but with bright and vivid colours. that, and not forgetting the days the came after, the weeks and the months. arduous. i had to endure.

what was i thinking back then? should i have held on to her, knock some sense into her? make her realise that she was making the single most biggest mistake of her life? the fact was, i didn't. i let her go. i let her speak her mind as my eyes welled up with tears that don't seem to ever stop flowing. her words seared my empty heart as those crystal droplets lay rest on the park bench. my mind was blurred.

as she uttered the first few words, i thought to myself, gosh, it is finally happening. the end of the strain in our relationship. no more worries for both of us. then, as she continued, a totally different set of emotions sank in. she was the only one i had loved, cared for and cherished for over 3 years. the things that we've been through, the ups and downs. we practically grew up together, as well as grew on one another. but i kept silent. not knowing what to do at that point of time. she asked me why i was so silent. the only thing i could tell her was that it wasn't the first time, and what would i get from saying anything?

she parted, just like that. not a clean break. like a human body bring ripped apart, leaving the insides dangling out in the most grotesque of ways. my vision tunnelled as the grim reality started to set in. this time round, a heavy flow proceeded as my thoughts went into overdrive with a thousand memories swarming through. i got up from my seat, and stormed away.

i have never forgiven you since that day.

love shackle

he cries. alone. sometimes at night, sometimes at the oddest of hours. he thinks of her, thinks of the years he has spent. beautiful memories lay stagnant in his beautiful mind, floating around as one memory intertwines with another. he is constantly reminded of her, the promises that they made, his own sacrifices, and probably everything that he has to give. all the time.

he loves her, very truly indeed. he tells himself that never had such a person made such an impact in his life before. he convinces himself that never would he want to spend his eternity with another person. he swears by the fact that she is irreplaceable, one of a kind, and God's creation for him and only for him. he knows that only he can know her inside out. he knows when she's breathing and when she's not, knows when she's happy or when she's sad. he knows every curve of her body, the heights and the depths, the wrinkles that emerge as she smiles. not to mention the scent of her skin, the warmth of her touch, the hue of her blush, and that radiant aura that bursts like a thousand supernovas when she chuckles.

in spite of all that is beautiful, he knows that there is a darker side. a side that hinders him from holding on to her. destiny has its own way of playing the devil. fate has never been on either of their sides. he is constantly bugged with the days that lie ahead, come what may. he worries, worries excessively, and is afraid of losing her. his thought hold tightly to those beautiful memories while his desires shackles his emotions so as to not let go that feeling of love.

trauma, confusion, helplessness. he begs for none of this to happen.

an excerpt by ms demon in exit

the dominant one

once again, in camp. blogging from camp. sad, but otherwise a privilege given. nowadays, i'm feeling the stress. to think that once being a platoon commander in guards was hard, under my new oc was just as so. freedom to handle my own off days has been restricted, and i feel that someone is always breathing down my neck. honestly, arrows fly around looking for fresh meat to sink its sharp pointy head into. argh, hate it.

anyways it is peaceful now. and i'm loving it. wondering when will i go fishing though...

the war within

he was a simple and ordinary person. but deep within him lies a dark room. a room that holds not one, but two of him. they live in harmony at times, but see conflict as part of their day to day struggle for dominance. both of them want power, the power to live the life out of their four-sided box, the power to control, and the power to influence.

it is a struggle that he has to live with. the decisions that he has to make, the actions that he chooses and the path that he takes. above him looms the air of uncertainty, the shroud of confusion that blocks his judgement. he says it is hard being him. and yes, some do agree. but he brought it upon himself. he was naive, never did look past the dark clouds above.

until lately, he was drawn too deep into the web of life. entangled and with nowhere to go to, he has only his friends around to provide him company, but only for the time being. once away from them, his mind falls and sinks into the darkness, into the room where they bicker and quarrel over power and control. he is all but helpless at times, watching the two of them have a go at each other.

he knows. he is aware of their presence, and they are aware of his. but none of them are in the same physical state. he knows what they are, and knows he has a choice because he has the power to choose.

one of them says "live the good life!" the other screams "you only live once, let's have fun!"

can't there be a balance? or should we just end this all? he cries...

an excerpt by ms demon in exit

about guitar

today i played the guitar ill my left wrist got sore and my fingers got cut. i don't freaking care. kinda frustrating when your guitar doesn't feel good to you anymore. gosh i gotta change them strings. and i need a new bridge for the guitar. sheesh. its an old acoustic guitar anyways.

and i need a les paul. now.

one day down

i can't really fall asleep. i feel like a fat piece of mush. i need exercise. i guess going back to camp, and starting the next batch would somehow spur me on to tone up. furthermore, ahm is coming up in august. i'm gonna do a crash conditioning of my body to run the whole 21km.

apart from that, i've been having pretty weird dreams lately. the first strange one was a couple of days back, where i dreamt of going into the future and stumbled across a wedding. at first i thought it was mine, but come to think of it, the guy seemed to be the polar opposite of me. the second would be dreaming of a person. the third, if there was one, i can't really remember. but this afternoon while i was napping away, i dreamt of going somewhere far away for class. and well, i rode on my computer chair, yes the one with 5 wheels, and coast on the expressway. then, i found myself in a cave, fighting monsters, an ability which i was apparently very skilled at. after all that fighting, while heading home (riding on my chair), i stopped at a bus stop where a group of 'bengs' tried to tick me off. of course one of them had his arm almost broken by me, while the rest stole my wallet and handphone. i went after two of then, giving them a nice punch to the head, but the rest managed to run away. i then threatened to call the police.

the phone rang and i realised it was three in the afternoon. bummer.

but anyways, i felt that i've wasted most parts of today. i should've gone to cold storage. damn.

unexpected

it's been quite awhile since i've had something to say about the world i live in. you may even call me crazy because i'm one crazy ass who bothers to type and vent his frustrations online. somehow i think i am, but hey, i'm just doing this for the fun of it.

anyways, i'm mentally preparing myself for 9 days of in camp stay-in due to the next intake coming this saturday. currently, i'm wasting my precious time away, lazing around at home while immersing myself in the homely ambiance of my room. and not to mention, lazy afternoon naps, crazy solo-shopping and making sweet music on my guitar (oh i just learnt how to play 75% of hotel california in about 4 hours today). kudos to a laid back lifestyle.

somehow, before logging on the the computer, i seem to have a swarm of ideas and thoughts buzzing around in my head. right now, i think all of them left my head. strange.

oh yea.. let's talk about my new camp. one of my friends, Salman, say that he had a ghostly encounter during his duty in the company. he "heard banging noises" coming from the store room, more precisely, the metal cupboard inside the store room. with my sheer skepticism, i jumped to an immediate conclusion that the noise was to have been caused by a mouse (or a rat), a monitor lizard (yes they do run around at times, pretty scary), a cat (which i haven't seen in the camp premises yet) or a dog (a puppy perhaps). or maybe it could be:

the contraction of the metal cupboard in the cool evening due to the drop in temperature, causing the metal shelves to warp and distort because of the uneven contraction of the metals. hence, items that may have been placed in precarious or awkward positions in the cupboard may have fell off, or been dislodged or nudged out of its original position.

=)

i'm in one of my genius moods again. then again, i have been wrong. who knows, right?

on a side note, the camp is rather cosy and peaceful, with no one to bother me, or bother us for that matter. and i must say, sleeping on a new mattress, with new blankets and new pillows, not forgetting new bedsheets and pillow cases, makes sleeping a great pleasure.

call me if you decide to drop by. i'll show ya ma crib.

angst at work

i don't know why, but lately, it seems to me that i tend to get angry at the slightest of things. i get agitated more often, annoyed more easily, and filled with angst most of the time. i can't be having my period. i don't bloody got no period.. okay well that's besides the point. anyways, i keep telling myself that some human beings are seriously retarded in some ways, especially the singapore-type ones. then again, i am a singapore-type one.

anyways here are what we self-absorbed bird brains tend to do without realising it ourselves:

1. not moving to the rear of the bus even though there's ample space to fit a fat arsed elephant humping a hippopotamus
   
2. walking in groups in an extended-line formation and blocking the escalator, or creating a human road block in shopping malls
   
3. resting one's knees onto the back of the backrest of the seat in front (applicable to buses) to the extent of the backrest actually breaking away from its metal frame

i'm pretty sure the list is non-exhaustive, but i am exhausted and hence this list becomes exhaustive.

then again, i'd love to share my views on those ABSD (applied behavioural science department) personnel in charge of conducting surveys for us serving the nation. i guess there must be a criteria to be met in order to be entrusted with the duties of carrying out the survey. they are:

1. loud
2. able to nag
3. long-winded
4. irritable
5. irritating
6. annoying
7. irrational
8. one-tracked mind
9. bird brain(s)

once again, the above mentioned list is non-exhaustive, and you may add what you feel may be the most appropriate qualities that they should possess. i would go on dissing them, but i feel that there's no point in doing such a thing. we all know that what they do, and how they act makes them alike to our animal counterparts, and of course their one-tracked minds makes it impossible to introduce more efficient methods to them.

kudos, i say.

great annoyance

i'm starting to think singapore is beginning to become more and more mundane and boring to me. well this probably isn't the first time i'm thinking of this, but hey, on this sunny island, there are not many things to do and places to see. then again, it's kinda cosy living here though.

okay enough of this rhetoric. i'm writing to complain about people around me. the other day i was tasked to carry out duties as a tour guide during one of the enlistments and i got quite fed up with some of the parents. not because they asked me too many questions, but they asked me bloody dumbass questions that simply pokes me in the buttocks.

one example of such questions would be: "how often can my son wash his clothes? are you guys going to tell him when to wash his clothes and how?" come on lady, if your son does not know how to wash his own clothes using his own pair of hands, he might as well cut off his own two arms and shit on them. children nowadays are pampered, no wait, they are f**king pampered. and well, i blame the parents! bloody hell!

i can't remember the other questions, but all i could remember was that it was annoying and irrelevant. if the questions were like for example, "is my son going to be as tough as you after 9 weeks?", then at least i'll be glad to answer them. but to be honest, i was only agitated at those questions that were somewhat stupid in nature. can't really describe them, but when you hear them, you'd take a jack knife and cut their throats.

anyways, i told the parents "don't worry about your son. just throw him in here and let him suffer. we'll take care of him and you don't have to be too overly worried or concerned. rest assured, he'll be a better person, more of a man at the end of his 9 weeks in here."

if we were to go to war, our 3G pussy soldiers will cower in their tiny 5-room apartments.

sunday

there's just something about sundays that makes it... well... unique compared to other days. and as far as i can remember, i haven't been out on a sunday afternoon for weeks. i guess this can be attributed to the fact that sunday so happens to be book-in day for many of us, and i'd reserve my sundays with my family. but thinking about the 24 hours that goes into the whole of sunday can be quite interesting. let's begin analysing it from the start of sunday.

0000 hrs - 0800 hrs
i'll still be in bed, dreaming, and hoping that it would rain outside because a rainy sunday morning brings a blessed aura. and it's lovely too.

0800 hrs - 1000 hrs
time for breakfast. breakfast won't take 2 hours though. probably i'd take my time to shower and fry some ommelette.

1000 hrs - afternoon
well... 2 things i can do. one, i could stay at home, glued to my computer or my xbox 360, counting the time away until i'll force myself to get ready to book in to camp. two, i could hang out, catch a movie, take a long stroll and have a nice sunday afternoon tea outside.

night
ok i must admit, only the afternoon is fun. at night it is sleep time in my 2-men bunk. eurgh.

for me to have written all of these means that i'm bored to death. for the past 4 days i've probably been very unproductive, except for the 5km run. other than that... gosh i feel like mush.