love shackle

he cries. alone. sometimes at night, sometimes at the oddest of hours. he thinks of her, thinks of the years he has spent. beautiful memories lay stagnant in his beautiful mind, floating around as one memory intertwines with another. he is constantly reminded of her, the promises that they made, his own sacrifices, and probably everything that he has to give. all the time.

he loves her, very truly indeed. he tells himself that never had such a person made such an impact in his life before. he convinces himself that never would he want to spend his eternity with another person. he swears by the fact that she is irreplaceable, one of a kind, and God's creation for him and only for him. he knows that only he can know her inside out. he knows when she's breathing and when she's not, knows when she's happy or when she's sad. he knows every curve of her body, the heights and the depths, the wrinkles that emerge as she smiles. not to mention the scent of her skin, the warmth of her touch, the hue of her blush, and that radiant aura that bursts like a thousand supernovas when she chuckles.

in spite of all that is beautiful, he knows that there is a darker side. a side that hinders him from holding on to her. destiny has its own way of playing the devil. fate has never been on either of their sides. he is constantly bugged with the days that lie ahead, come what may. he worries, worries excessively, and is afraid of losing her. his thought hold tightly to those beautiful memories while his desires shackles his emotions so as to not let go that feeling of love.

trauma, confusion, helplessness. he begs for none of this to happen.

an excerpt by ms demon in exit

the dominant one

once again, in camp. blogging from camp. sad, but otherwise a privilege given. nowadays, i'm feeling the stress. to think that once being a platoon commander in guards was hard, under my new oc was just as so. freedom to handle my own off days has been restricted, and i feel that someone is always breathing down my neck. honestly, arrows fly around looking for fresh meat to sink its sharp pointy head into. argh, hate it.

anyways it is peaceful now. and i'm loving it. wondering when will i go fishing though...

the war within

he was a simple and ordinary person. but deep within him lies a dark room. a room that holds not one, but two of him. they live in harmony at times, but see conflict as part of their day to day struggle for dominance. both of them want power, the power to live the life out of their four-sided box, the power to control, and the power to influence.

it is a struggle that he has to live with. the decisions that he has to make, the actions that he chooses and the path that he takes. above him looms the air of uncertainty, the shroud of confusion that blocks his judgement. he says it is hard being him. and yes, some do agree. but he brought it upon himself. he was naive, never did look past the dark clouds above.

until lately, he was drawn too deep into the web of life. entangled and with nowhere to go to, he has only his friends around to provide him company, but only for the time being. once away from them, his mind falls and sinks into the darkness, into the room where they bicker and quarrel over power and control. he is all but helpless at times, watching the two of them have a go at each other.

he knows. he is aware of their presence, and they are aware of his. but none of them are in the same physical state. he knows what they are, and knows he has a choice because he has the power to choose.

one of them says "live the good life!" the other screams "you only live once, let's have fun!"

can't there be a balance? or should we just end this all? he cries...

an excerpt by ms demon in exit

about guitar

today i played the guitar ill my left wrist got sore and my fingers got cut. i don't freaking care. kinda frustrating when your guitar doesn't feel good to you anymore. gosh i gotta change them strings. and i need a new bridge for the guitar. sheesh. its an old acoustic guitar anyways.

and i need a les paul. now.

one day down

i can't really fall asleep. i feel like a fat piece of mush. i need exercise. i guess going back to camp, and starting the next batch would somehow spur me on to tone up. furthermore, ahm is coming up in august. i'm gonna do a crash conditioning of my body to run the whole 21km.

apart from that, i've been having pretty weird dreams lately. the first strange one was a couple of days back, where i dreamt of going into the future and stumbled across a wedding. at first i thought it was mine, but come to think of it, the guy seemed to be the polar opposite of me. the second would be dreaming of a person. the third, if there was one, i can't really remember. but this afternoon while i was napping away, i dreamt of going somewhere far away for class. and well, i rode on my computer chair, yes the one with 5 wheels, and coast on the expressway. then, i found myself in a cave, fighting monsters, an ability which i was apparently very skilled at. after all that fighting, while heading home (riding on my chair), i stopped at a bus stop where a group of 'bengs' tried to tick me off. of course one of them had his arm almost broken by me, while the rest stole my wallet and handphone. i went after two of then, giving them a nice punch to the head, but the rest managed to run away. i then threatened to call the police.

the phone rang and i realised it was three in the afternoon. bummer.

but anyways, i felt that i've wasted most parts of today. i should've gone to cold storage. damn.

unexpected

it's been quite awhile since i've had something to say about the world i live in. you may even call me crazy because i'm one crazy ass who bothers to type and vent his frustrations online. somehow i think i am, but hey, i'm just doing this for the fun of it.

anyways, i'm mentally preparing myself for 9 days of in camp stay-in due to the next intake coming this saturday. currently, i'm wasting my precious time away, lazing around at home while immersing myself in the homely ambiance of my room. and not to mention, lazy afternoon naps, crazy solo-shopping and making sweet music on my guitar (oh i just learnt how to play 75% of hotel california in about 4 hours today). kudos to a laid back lifestyle.

somehow, before logging on the the computer, i seem to have a swarm of ideas and thoughts buzzing around in my head. right now, i think all of them left my head. strange.

oh yea.. let's talk about my new camp. one of my friends, Salman, say that he had a ghostly encounter during his duty in the company. he "heard banging noises" coming from the store room, more precisely, the metal cupboard inside the store room. with my sheer skepticism, i jumped to an immediate conclusion that the noise was to have been caused by a mouse (or a rat), a monitor lizard (yes they do run around at times, pretty scary), a cat (which i haven't seen in the camp premises yet) or a dog (a puppy perhaps). or maybe it could be:

the contraction of the metal cupboard in the cool evening due to the drop in temperature, causing the metal shelves to warp and distort because of the uneven contraction of the metals. hence, items that may have been placed in precarious or awkward positions in the cupboard may have fell off, or been dislodged or nudged out of its original position.

=)

i'm in one of my genius moods again. then again, i have been wrong. who knows, right?

on a side note, the camp is rather cosy and peaceful, with no one to bother me, or bother us for that matter. and i must say, sleeping on a new mattress, with new blankets and new pillows, not forgetting new bedsheets and pillow cases, makes sleeping a great pleasure.

call me if you decide to drop by. i'll show ya ma crib.