a critic's critique

i suddenly remembered that i had to write about something. a critique on customer service and it's importance. speaking for the millions out there who pays a great deal of scrutiny to the attention given to them, as well as how others treat them when they hold close to their hearts the 5 word mantra: the customer is always right.

others may have various forms of the mantra such as "the customer is your boss" or "i pay and you serve", but at the end of the day, we are all human beings and being critical is our nature.

take one case study: Banquet Food Court at Sengkang. i was queuing up to get 2 packets of fried udon for my friends who were obviously starving from food deprivation. well actually there wasn't much of a queue to be honest. however, what made it seem like a queue was the horribly delayed response from the person behind the counter. the lady, probably sick and tired of her work, rather flipped over the takoyaki balls slowly than attend to an eager customer who was going to provide her with her day's pay. so mistake number one: never let your customers wait for assistance.

okay, so i've already made my order. it was twenty minutes past two on my watch as i stood like sir stamford raffles waiting for the delicious looking udon. five, ten, and eventually fifteen minutes later, the udon was prepared. about time i say! how long could it possibly take to fry 2 packets of udon when i was the only customer? given another 5 minutes and probably i could have at least a medium rare sirloin with garlic mushroom sauce topped with baby carrots, juicy broccoli and whipped potato. i admit i was impatient, and the least i expect of the lady behind the counter was to assist me in taking a look at those udon. that was mistake number two.

somehow i started to think, maybe they needed to make those udon from scratch. and of course i am not that stupid.

and finally, mistake number three, when i was handed the "goods" there wasn't even a simple "sorry for the delay" or "i'm really sorry we had to refine the oil to make good oil to fry your udon sir" or whatever. none at all. simply put it: lack of empathy. apparently flipping takoyaki balls is like digging treasure. maybe there would be a thousand dollar note in one of the takoyaki balls on the hot plate.

and i must say, service was extremely poor.if i were to rate it on a scale of ten (which i am going to do so now), i'd give them 2 out of then. 1 point for the bare minimum standard of attending to customers (like duh) and 1 more point out of compassion.

and you didn't know i could be a critic. in fact, anyone, can be the unknowing critic.

brain aches

2 days to go and she'll be home. where the one that loves her awaits her arrival. desperation. and it has been so for days. more than days.

i've been having this awfully painful headache since sunday. i can't imagine i actually endure the pain for 4 days straight. i can't even walk, or get up without feeling the pain. and even moving my eyeballs feels as though the eye sockets are laced with sandpaper.

i thought it was just the pre-fever symptom. it was, a couple of days ago as a matter of fact. but no longer. maybe its cool fever. a new strain of fever that keeps your body temperature below 37. i don't know. probably its the headache talking. i also had these crazy thoughts about how the headache may actually be tumors. er well i better not think of it anymore.

on monday i went fishing. and as usual caught nothing. the feeling sucks. yeah. but you know, fishes have tiny brains, but they are not that stupid. anyways i've found ways to improve my rate of catch the next time round. i'm gonna catch some rays and cook and eat.

i'm rather displeased that these past few days hasn't been raining as often as i wanted it to. the skies are not gray and there's just too much sunlight.

cobwebs

yesterday i went fishing with some of my friends, 3 of them were my recruits. were. it's nice to see them, those familiar faces. kinda reminds me of old times. and i met up with tex. it was great to see him after all these time. nothing much has changed i guess, apart from him being able to drive and me not being able to drive legally. yet.

once again it almost rained today. i'm waiting for the sky to open up and splash us. i think there's just something in rainwater that makes me reminisce. some chemical. maybe opium.

another day almost over, and to start of the 'almost-over-day', i woke up at one in the afternoon. sheesh. i felt like crap getting out of bed and into the shower. and then i thought to myself, "saturday's football match has been postponed, today doesn't seem special, and no one gives a rat's ass about my existence." maybe that was a tad extreme. but i guess it's true.

i started thinking about how getting a job, a temporary one, seems like playing the lottery. so many application and yet no single fucked reply. i just need to get my ass moving instead of rotting at home. plus, i'm not earning any cash, so it makes me think twice about shopping. and it is killing me when i desperately want to get my les paul. frustrating, very frustrating indeed.

and its that time of the year where people start counting down to the new year, make new resolution which they hardly follow through and start their new work year, or school year, fresh. well somehow it'd be nice if say january first two thousand and eight brought along a extreme climatic change. sinapore begins to snow like the noth pole and the whole world turns into a huge ball of ice. that'd be nice. at least we get to experience snow. hmm.. nice.

argh whats this? cobwebs on my entire body! how long have i been sitting here?

painful photocopy

being able to let go would mean that one has overcome his/her obstacle, challenge to troubles. well that's what i think. at least maybe a couple of years back. but i realise letting go means that you are beyond that stagnating level of maturity you've been stuck at. learning to let go of something takes a great deal of effort, maybe more of 'mental effort' than 'physical effort'. but i must admit sometimes mental pain can result in physical torture. after all, the mind and body has a subtle connection.

i went to starbucks today. with who? heh... i won't say. and i decided to go because i wanted to get away from the four walls of my house, and to get some fresh air. and also to read a book i just bought. i must say it is certainly better than reading a book at home, unless i have a personal library at home with a full time barista at my expense.

the night air was fresh, and chilly with the occasional breeze. i sat outside because i thought the air-conditioned interior would freeze my brains dry. i plucked in my ipod, blared my favourite music and indulged in my reading.

the music was great, from my ipod i mean. it was Avenged Sevenfold's latest album, Avenged Sevenfold. yes, a self titled album. funny i thought, because it is their fourth album. and usually band produce self titled albums when they release their first album. oh anyways i sidetracked.

it is indeed distracting to have people walk in front of you, and around you for that matter while you are reading. even if they were extra terrestials i'd catch a glimpse. but then there was this person that looked like you, only scrawny. other than that, the short 2 second glimpse and the side profile was uncannily similar. that shook me up a little. no, a lot. why? why must that happen. and i don't like it. its like an injection of food colouring into your brain. no actually its not but what i'm trying to bring across is that the whole mind gets so knocked up that you'd experience a 5 minute relapse.

then it got my thinking; there are indeed many people that look similar. in facial appearance at least. what they do to their bodies is, well, up to them. piercings, inkings etc. it is strange to think that you could have a clone elsewhere, but then again, with 6 billion (and steadily increasing) people in this world, you are just another photocopy of another. or maybe the other is just a photocopy of you...

and think deeper. how many centuries have past since the world was created. how many billions, no trillions, maybe bazillions of people have lived and walked the face of this earth. yup, keep counting. there's bound to be duplicates. and take for example twins. there's living, walking evidence that 2 people can actually exist on the same space-time continuum looking the same!

amazing. wow.

i spent 2 hours at starbucks. after the completion of the first chapter i decided to head on home. almost half past nine and the cold night air seemed to get even colder. oh and what about the other person?

there was no one.

punishment too great to bear

the more i read, the dimmer the light becomes from the candle. a hope diminishing. saddening i feel. with so much being put into, everything will end one day.

and as the flame extinguishes, it leaves nothing but a faint trail of rising white smoke from its charred wick.

i wonder. i really wonder. i am beyond mad.

you never talked about me.

the roses, the photos, the gifts. nothing.

kuroi ame

i can't help but think "it's another december". the last december i could recall... well it wasn't very pleasant. and well i'm listening to "when you were young" by the killers and all i could say that it made me recall last december with even more colour.

last december rained like it never rained before. well... i guess this december did just as well. but exactly a year ago it rained for days, no, weeks. or maybe it was just a couple of weeks, but i guess those days were somewhat bittersweet and has been etched deeply in my memories.

i would stay in bunk, waiting for lessons. the whole lot of us. fresh out of OCS. my buddies. those carefree days i would think. the one i loved left me a year ago for some strange reason. and i felt lost, like really lost. i would find excuses to go out with anyone, yes anyone. just to kill time, so i thought to myself. to put it in words, last december was gray, with some highlights and streaks of colour here and there. but mainly, it was gray, not only the skies but the world that revolved around me.

the feeling still remains. lost and undecided. but that was a year ago. so i though, again. then it made me think, "what is so different between this december and the last?" indeed. nothing much has changed. i'm still alone, just like the many decembers i can think of, rotting and decomposing, but, not lost nor undecided! a good start i say.

something is bothering me. i'm not old, neither am i that young. but i realised that youngsters nowadays have a knack for vulgarities. must be an upcoming trend. i stumbled across a group of secondary school students on board the bus on my way home and my gosh this young lady was spewing profanities like mount krakatoa when it erupted. and she liked it. and her immature friends seemed to add more lava to the profani-tastic flow.

alright enough said. i guess i'm kinda old fashioned. *$&# *$&@ @$($%!!!

for the 4th night running i can't sleep. maybe it is due to my couch potato lifestyle, always waking up at 11 or 12 for that matter.

anyone interested in hiring a guitarist? or a vocalist?

other side of the moon

a series of unfortunate events before i ord. 3 extras are 'awarded' to my by my TO, in which i feel, is rather unfair. the errors were only in format, and not in content. anyways that's the army for you, no wait, that's certain army personnel for you. with rank, they think they have the powers to do anything they could never do before. i'd say fuck you! to those who use rank as means to lever yourself to be at an advantage to others, i'd say see you in the real world where the confines of the military cannot shell your insecurities from the harsh reality of life. fuck you!

just wait and see how i'm gonna serve your 3 extras boy. that is if i'm going to even serve it asshole.

and now with that aside, it seems that there have been lots of things that i've seen for the past few weeks that are worth mentioning. one would be the above mentioned. others well... its more like dissing people and in fact, it's all worth the dissing. like how going back to camp on your leave day is 'wrong' and that you should 'fuck off' when you are on leave. strange but sadly true. these people exist and it makes life more interesting to begin with.

there are also lots of things i don't think i can share, because it involves with restricted information (which would in the end land me in a huge pile of shit), or those involving people and their personal stuff. oh well it seems i got nothing else to say then...

wrong!

it seems that i've got one more month of national service left, and many years of reservist to do. let's talk about the remaining month, what i'm going to do. of course i'm going to ord with a bang, so people remember me as the lieutenant that you shouldn't mess around with, and also the lieutenant that has depth in personality and thoughts. and of course the lieutenant that has a piercing tongue and a knack for blunt comments (only for those who deserves it). well then again who do i think i am trying to lay the smack down on others? well if you don't like anyone, chances are, no one like him too. and chances are that you may hate the person i dislike are high too!

ooh i'm such an evil person, conniving and devilish. i don't think so. the other side of the moon isn't necessarily the dark side... i am just as pure as pure itself.

sun after the rain

sunday, today, feels so much different than any other sundays. i guess it might probably be due to the air after the rain. the sun is finally up, and this is something i would usually dread, but today, i'm loving every single second of it.

come to think of it, i don't really have anything to do right now. there's plenty of things which i'm thinking of doing, like rollerblading (that's only if i'm staying by the beach, and have my blades with me), maybe cycling (again i'd rather cycle by the beach), watching a movie, hanging out in a cafe drinking coffee while enjoying a nice book (but i'm fasting) and well probably lots more of other things which i can't think of now. sunday is indeed a very relaxed day, no wait, today is such a relaxed day.

oh one thing i'd like to do is finish up my D.Gray-Man anime, up to episode 37, but then again, what am i going to do in camp if i were to finish them up? bah. i still got Claymore...

anyways lull period is such a bore. two plus weeks of slack more before the next batch of work.

randomness of the mind

there's always a strange thing. Nothing is like what it seems. i'm not too sure either. lately it has been even stranger. i began to analyse the world we live in an even greater sense of attention. every intricacy of nature, the way things work and operate, the human psyche and our interaction with the physical world... all these sounds so profound, deep, and well, something that would come out of a 16-year old. true, i must admit to this. but what's more importantly is that i'd love to open my eyes to what the world truly has beneath this gray coat of paint.

some of the thoughts that i may had have: there are 6 billion parallel earths that exist. each individual carves out his/her own image of the world, he/she is in his/her own dimension while others are mere characters. same goes for another person, and another, and another. no matter how we look at it, your world may be different from mine because we don't share the same views and opinions. in the end, we write our own story, where we want to go and what would we want to be.

life is established as priceless. and yet, we take it for granted. we squander what was given to us and make wrong turns most of the time.

that's all for now.

reminisce

there's always something that i would never forget. oh how that day plays itself over and over again in my thoughts, just like silent movie but with bright and vivid colours. that, and not forgetting the days the came after, the weeks and the months. arduous. i had to endure.

what was i thinking back then? should i have held on to her, knock some sense into her? make her realise that she was making the single most biggest mistake of her life? the fact was, i didn't. i let her go. i let her speak her mind as my eyes welled up with tears that don't seem to ever stop flowing. her words seared my empty heart as those crystal droplets lay rest on the park bench. my mind was blurred.

as she uttered the first few words, i thought to myself, gosh, it is finally happening. the end of the strain in our relationship. no more worries for both of us. then, as she continued, a totally different set of emotions sank in. she was the only one i had loved, cared for and cherished for over 3 years. the things that we've been through, the ups and downs. we practically grew up together, as well as grew on one another. but i kept silent. not knowing what to do at that point of time. she asked me why i was so silent. the only thing i could tell her was that it wasn't the first time, and what would i get from saying anything?

she parted, just like that. not a clean break. like a human body bring ripped apart, leaving the insides dangling out in the most grotesque of ways. my vision tunnelled as the grim reality started to set in. this time round, a heavy flow proceeded as my thoughts went into overdrive with a thousand memories swarming through. i got up from my seat, and stormed away.

i have never forgiven you since that day.

love shackle

he cries. alone. sometimes at night, sometimes at the oddest of hours. he thinks of her, thinks of the years he has spent. beautiful memories lay stagnant in his beautiful mind, floating around as one memory intertwines with another. he is constantly reminded of her, the promises that they made, his own sacrifices, and probably everything that he has to give. all the time.

he loves her, very truly indeed. he tells himself that never had such a person made such an impact in his life before. he convinces himself that never would he want to spend his eternity with another person. he swears by the fact that she is irreplaceable, one of a kind, and God's creation for him and only for him. he knows that only he can know her inside out. he knows when she's breathing and when she's not, knows when she's happy or when she's sad. he knows every curve of her body, the heights and the depths, the wrinkles that emerge as she smiles. not to mention the scent of her skin, the warmth of her touch, the hue of her blush, and that radiant aura that bursts like a thousand supernovas when she chuckles.

in spite of all that is beautiful, he knows that there is a darker side. a side that hinders him from holding on to her. destiny has its own way of playing the devil. fate has never been on either of their sides. he is constantly bugged with the days that lie ahead, come what may. he worries, worries excessively, and is afraid of losing her. his thought hold tightly to those beautiful memories while his desires shackles his emotions so as to not let go that feeling of love.

trauma, confusion, helplessness. he begs for none of this to happen.

an excerpt by ms demon in exit

the dominant one

once again, in camp. blogging from camp. sad, but otherwise a privilege given. nowadays, i'm feeling the stress. to think that once being a platoon commander in guards was hard, under my new oc was just as so. freedom to handle my own off days has been restricted, and i feel that someone is always breathing down my neck. honestly, arrows fly around looking for fresh meat to sink its sharp pointy head into. argh, hate it.

anyways it is peaceful now. and i'm loving it. wondering when will i go fishing though...

the war within

he was a simple and ordinary person. but deep within him lies a dark room. a room that holds not one, but two of him. they live in harmony at times, but see conflict as part of their day to day struggle for dominance. both of them want power, the power to live the life out of their four-sided box, the power to control, and the power to influence.

it is a struggle that he has to live with. the decisions that he has to make, the actions that he chooses and the path that he takes. above him looms the air of uncertainty, the shroud of confusion that blocks his judgement. he says it is hard being him. and yes, some do agree. but he brought it upon himself. he was naive, never did look past the dark clouds above.

until lately, he was drawn too deep into the web of life. entangled and with nowhere to go to, he has only his friends around to provide him company, but only for the time being. once away from them, his mind falls and sinks into the darkness, into the room where they bicker and quarrel over power and control. he is all but helpless at times, watching the two of them have a go at each other.

he knows. he is aware of their presence, and they are aware of his. but none of them are in the same physical state. he knows what they are, and knows he has a choice because he has the power to choose.

one of them says "live the good life!" the other screams "you only live once, let's have fun!"

can't there be a balance? or should we just end this all? he cries...

an excerpt by ms demon in exit

about guitar

today i played the guitar ill my left wrist got sore and my fingers got cut. i don't freaking care. kinda frustrating when your guitar doesn't feel good to you anymore. gosh i gotta change them strings. and i need a new bridge for the guitar. sheesh. its an old acoustic guitar anyways.

and i need a les paul. now.

one day down

i can't really fall asleep. i feel like a fat piece of mush. i need exercise. i guess going back to camp, and starting the next batch would somehow spur me on to tone up. furthermore, ahm is coming up in august. i'm gonna do a crash conditioning of my body to run the whole 21km.

apart from that, i've been having pretty weird dreams lately. the first strange one was a couple of days back, where i dreamt of going into the future and stumbled across a wedding. at first i thought it was mine, but come to think of it, the guy seemed to be the polar opposite of me. the second would be dreaming of a person. the third, if there was one, i can't really remember. but this afternoon while i was napping away, i dreamt of going somewhere far away for class. and well, i rode on my computer chair, yes the one with 5 wheels, and coast on the expressway. then, i found myself in a cave, fighting monsters, an ability which i was apparently very skilled at. after all that fighting, while heading home (riding on my chair), i stopped at a bus stop where a group of 'bengs' tried to tick me off. of course one of them had his arm almost broken by me, while the rest stole my wallet and handphone. i went after two of then, giving them a nice punch to the head, but the rest managed to run away. i then threatened to call the police.

the phone rang and i realised it was three in the afternoon. bummer.

but anyways, i felt that i've wasted most parts of today. i should've gone to cold storage. damn.

unexpected

it's been quite awhile since i've had something to say about the world i live in. you may even call me crazy because i'm one crazy ass who bothers to type and vent his frustrations online. somehow i think i am, but hey, i'm just doing this for the fun of it.

anyways, i'm mentally preparing myself for 9 days of in camp stay-in due to the next intake coming this saturday. currently, i'm wasting my precious time away, lazing around at home while immersing myself in the homely ambiance of my room. and not to mention, lazy afternoon naps, crazy solo-shopping and making sweet music on my guitar (oh i just learnt how to play 75% of hotel california in about 4 hours today). kudos to a laid back lifestyle.

somehow, before logging on the the computer, i seem to have a swarm of ideas and thoughts buzzing around in my head. right now, i think all of them left my head. strange.

oh yea.. let's talk about my new camp. one of my friends, Salman, say that he had a ghostly encounter during his duty in the company. he "heard banging noises" coming from the store room, more precisely, the metal cupboard inside the store room. with my sheer skepticism, i jumped to an immediate conclusion that the noise was to have been caused by a mouse (or a rat), a monitor lizard (yes they do run around at times, pretty scary), a cat (which i haven't seen in the camp premises yet) or a dog (a puppy perhaps). or maybe it could be:

the contraction of the metal cupboard in the cool evening due to the drop in temperature, causing the metal shelves to warp and distort because of the uneven contraction of the metals. hence, items that may have been placed in precarious or awkward positions in the cupboard may have fell off, or been dislodged or nudged out of its original position.

=)

i'm in one of my genius moods again. then again, i have been wrong. who knows, right?

on a side note, the camp is rather cosy and peaceful, with no one to bother me, or bother us for that matter. and i must say, sleeping on a new mattress, with new blankets and new pillows, not forgetting new bedsheets and pillow cases, makes sleeping a great pleasure.

call me if you decide to drop by. i'll show ya ma crib.

angst at work

i don't know why, but lately, it seems to me that i tend to get angry at the slightest of things. i get agitated more often, annoyed more easily, and filled with angst most of the time. i can't be having my period. i don't bloody got no period.. okay well that's besides the point. anyways, i keep telling myself that some human beings are seriously retarded in some ways, especially the singapore-type ones. then again, i am a singapore-type one.

anyways here are what we self-absorbed bird brains tend to do without realising it ourselves:

1. not moving to the rear of the bus even though there's ample space to fit a fat arsed elephant humping a hippopotamus
   
2. walking in groups in an extended-line formation and blocking the escalator, or creating a human road block in shopping malls
   
3. resting one's knees onto the back of the backrest of the seat in front (applicable to buses) to the extent of the backrest actually breaking away from its metal frame

i'm pretty sure the list is non-exhaustive, but i am exhausted and hence this list becomes exhaustive.

then again, i'd love to share my views on those ABSD (applied behavioural science department) personnel in charge of conducting surveys for us serving the nation. i guess there must be a criteria to be met in order to be entrusted with the duties of carrying out the survey. they are:

1. loud
2. able to nag
3. long-winded
4. irritable
5. irritating
6. annoying
7. irrational
8. one-tracked mind
9. bird brain(s)

once again, the above mentioned list is non-exhaustive, and you may add what you feel may be the most appropriate qualities that they should possess. i would go on dissing them, but i feel that there's no point in doing such a thing. we all know that what they do, and how they act makes them alike to our animal counterparts, and of course their one-tracked minds makes it impossible to introduce more efficient methods to them.

kudos, i say.

great annoyance

i'm starting to think singapore is beginning to become more and more mundane and boring to me. well this probably isn't the first time i'm thinking of this, but hey, on this sunny island, there are not many things to do and places to see. then again, it's kinda cosy living here though.

okay enough of this rhetoric. i'm writing to complain about people around me. the other day i was tasked to carry out duties as a tour guide during one of the enlistments and i got quite fed up with some of the parents. not because they asked me too many questions, but they asked me bloody dumbass questions that simply pokes me in the buttocks.

one example of such questions would be: "how often can my son wash his clothes? are you guys going to tell him when to wash his clothes and how?" come on lady, if your son does not know how to wash his own clothes using his own pair of hands, he might as well cut off his own two arms and shit on them. children nowadays are pampered, no wait, they are f**king pampered. and well, i blame the parents! bloody hell!

i can't remember the other questions, but all i could remember was that it was annoying and irrelevant. if the questions were like for example, "is my son going to be as tough as you after 9 weeks?", then at least i'll be glad to answer them. but to be honest, i was only agitated at those questions that were somewhat stupid in nature. can't really describe them, but when you hear them, you'd take a jack knife and cut their throats.

anyways, i told the parents "don't worry about your son. just throw him in here and let him suffer. we'll take care of him and you don't have to be too overly worried or concerned. rest assured, he'll be a better person, more of a man at the end of his 9 weeks in here."

if we were to go to war, our 3G pussy soldiers will cower in their tiny 5-room apartments.

sunday

there's just something about sundays that makes it... well... unique compared to other days. and as far as i can remember, i haven't been out on a sunday afternoon for weeks. i guess this can be attributed to the fact that sunday so happens to be book-in day for many of us, and i'd reserve my sundays with my family. but thinking about the 24 hours that goes into the whole of sunday can be quite interesting. let's begin analysing it from the start of sunday.

0000 hrs - 0800 hrs
i'll still be in bed, dreaming, and hoping that it would rain outside because a rainy sunday morning brings a blessed aura. and it's lovely too.

0800 hrs - 1000 hrs
time for breakfast. breakfast won't take 2 hours though. probably i'd take my time to shower and fry some ommelette.

1000 hrs - afternoon
well... 2 things i can do. one, i could stay at home, glued to my computer or my xbox 360, counting the time away until i'll force myself to get ready to book in to camp. two, i could hang out, catch a movie, take a long stroll and have a nice sunday afternoon tea outside.

night
ok i must admit, only the afternoon is fun. at night it is sleep time in my 2-men bunk. eurgh.

for me to have written all of these means that i'm bored to death. for the past 4 days i've probably been very unproductive, except for the 5km run. other than that... gosh i feel like mush.

forbidden happy things

i had this dream of her. cute, honest. seeing her, though subconsciously, kindles the warmth in my heart. maybe because i missed her presence as the days felt like weeks. then again, it was a beautiful dream.

and i called her. i was rather surprised the number did work, despite being a super long string of numbers that i doubt anyone could memorise. but thank goodness, i had it saved in my phone. and you know since when? since my BMT days of course, and also the time when she was away the longest. i hated her for that, well not really hate, well you get the idea.

i thought to myself, maybe she is indeed a strong person deep down inside. she's definitely much stronger than her sister, and of course definitely more independent than her, and not to mention more resilient than her. us being together still is a testament to your strength.

probably you may be the most foolish person on earth, but every coin has its two sides. lay the coin to rest and let the right face show, for as long as we may live.

its been a long time, but, je t'aime.

the longest friday

if you haven't heard the latest songs by Maroon 5, the only thing i could say to you is "what are you waiting for?" with tracks like 'if i never see your face again', 'makes me wonder', 'wake up call' and lots more, you are bound to be hooked on their funky new tunes. the band makes use of catchy lyrics, coupled with the right melody to portray a story with every song that is being played. my personal favourite is 'wake up call'. if you were to listen to the keyboards and guitars, you'd hear the dark and mysterious nature of the song, somewhat like a rainy Gotham City crime scene kind of setting. 'it won't be soon before long' is a definite must have for those Maroon 5 fans out there.

sometimes i lay to waste listening to songs. time seems to float past without a trace and i'm left gazing into the ceiling while being phased into another realm. today, some bad things happened to me, well not exactly bad things, but they were more of undesired than bad. okay first up was the heavy downpour that caught me by surprise before i went to the mosque for my prayers. then i thought to myself that i had to brave the rain no matter what, of course, with an umbrella in hand to aid me in my journey.

as i walked to the bus stop, pools of rainwater started to puddle everywhere, and basically i had no choice but to step through it. i was thinking to myself when i stepped into those puddles. i was no longer afraid of getting my feet wet anymore. probably due to the fact that i still have soldier-like qualities in me, or maybe that i just can't be bothered.

and so i got down the bus, and i was about a hundred metres from the mosque when a blue mini whizzed pass me at great speeds. the result, water splashed onto my denim jeans, soaking it from waist down and sending cold chills up my spine. yes up my spine. to my surprise, i wasn't the least mad. and yes it was a huge surprise, seriously, coming from a rage-o-holic like me. then again, must be the calm in me before my prayers.

oh well... now i am at home with nothing to do, and rotting my flesh away. if only there were great shows on the tele, then i won't be so grumpy as of now. grrr...

and with every second that floats by, i'm thinking of her.

when will she call me again?

when will i see her again?

story of a lonely guy

he waits for her for weeks, hoping she'd return quick. he checks his mails, and checks his phone, hoping she'd contact him in one way or another. unfortunately for him, she never did. what could she be doing there? painful as it seems, he endured the searing pain in his heart and swallows the lingering agony. "just be strong", he tells himself.

dull days

these few days have been such a drag. thankfully, all high key activities are over and i'm just sailing towards my next batch. however, it is such a pain not being able to have you here physically. gosh i miss those days, and now, i feel so alone.

at times like this, it is good to have a willing friend to talk to and to hang out with. i just wish it would be as simple as that. thinking of someone won't bring that person physically nearer, neither does hoping for someone to be there. i'd love to be able to call you, but i have no clue what your number is...

gee i feel so dead, so tired and mentally drained. physically exhausted and stretched to the limit. i need a long vacation, with someone, to get the mind off the stresses of everyday life, and to experience life on a different surface of the world.

argh boredom is killing me! good thing i'm going home this wednesday. and my parents will be out of the country! gosh if only you were here...

A lapse in time, memory's shortfall

i realised that it has been weeks since i've placed anything up to be read and shared. i guess it must be the constant stresses of work and other priorities that come into play. lots of things have happened since the last time, and i must say so many things can indeed happen in such a short time.

i'm not to sure whether i should be thankful, or dread the fact that i'm back on the island when i belong. one of my friends said that it is a good thing, and well maybe i'll just listen to him and take his word for it. life on the island is somewhat relaxing at time, but can be a bore, a chore and a pain in the bum-bums when paperwork starts to bog you down. but other than that, i'd take my island life.

recently things starts to get a tad topsy turvy with people coming in and out and things just start happening without any rhyme nor reason. i can't explain why either. and the more i think of it, the more my head wants to pop open and release the thousands of yellow chicks screaming "argh! argh!".

on a separate topic, my computer is giving my lots of problems. it loves to freeze, which in turn makes me punch the computer tower. i've knocked it several times already, and well it kinda seems pretty screwed up but hey its working right now so im not complaining. i'm just pretty vexed that i'm unable to get Heroes and i'm gonna punch the computer really soon.

yesterday, i managed to catch Spiderman 3 on the movies (finally) and well was quite excited. however, my movie experience was partially ruined because of ill-disciplined children who don't know how to keep their bloody mouths shut. as much as i love kids, these kids deserved to be hanged up on a wall, with a hook to their pants. then hire some imps to poke their buttocks with sizzling hot iron rods while laughing gleefully and their crying faces. oh don't forget to bind and gag them so that they'd make little movements and little sound. but mainly i blame their irresponsible parents who don't ask the kids to shut up. if i were to scream and shout, i'd shout at those stupid parents (mothers) who don't even bother to tell their kids to keep mouths sealed. for your information, they were just watching the shows happily ignoring their kids while other movie goers were shhh-ing away. hope they trip and fall on their way home, sprain their ankles and can't walk for 3 months... wait... make that 6...

anyways, i'm like a ticking time bomb, waiting for the triggering moment to just blow up. and i'm still waiting.

a note to oneself

our lives are what we deem it to be, be it prosperous or impoverished, gleeful or sorrow-laden, or faithful or reckless. most of the time i think we tend to overlook this fact, because we are simply human beings. we are indeed at times lazy to make the decisive change in our lives to make it better, to kick in into full gear and coast along the highway that is our life.

many a times, we tend to blame failures on external factors. 'it was raining'. 'i didn't have enough time'. 'she was late, which resulted in me being late'. common excuses that are being used countless times because we simply refuse to look at ourselves for the mistake that we've committed. simply put it: we always think we are perfect and that if we do things according to what we planned for, a discrepancy in its execution is always due to the negligence of others.

there are also those who are deemed as the 'hopeless case', always at the negative end, have personal grudges with their own lives and are basically dissatisfied with how their lives are. it is not that they are unable to break the shackles of their misery, but rather they are unknowingly unwilling to do so. think of it as being in a locked cage, and that the lock can only be opened if you slaughter a chicken. people would be reluctant to slaughter the chicken, but well slaughtering a chicken isn't a very difficult thing to do. so it boils down to the case of whether you have the will to escape from your emotional troughs and soar back up to its peaks. it is always mind over matter.

something also struck me, a spiritually strong person is emotionally strong. but you must have the right faith.

imagine, the blind

i guess this place has been left rather untouched for far too long now. i've been busy for the past few weeks, juggling work and more work and some issues. fortunately, it has come to a point where the dust has settle, and so am i. so here i am penning down my thoughts like nobody's business hoping to gain some attention from unsuspecting surfers.

i've been thinking of this for quite some time: can the blind imagine how things were to look like? especially if they were born blind. anyone knows anyone who's born blind? i'd just like to find out because this is one of those things that not many people would think of and would ponder about. and well somehow i believe that though it may seem to be a curse or handicap to them, they might have something special about them that they have yet to discover.

anyways i'm kinda glad that i'm clean. been more than 2 weeks without the smokes, though somehow i feel that it isn't that hard to quit if you actually have things to preoccupy yourself with. like for me, i preoccupy myself with work, people and of course chocolates. yup, i'm a choco junky and i think it has become my secondary addiction. oh well, eat dark chocolates yea? at least they have the flavinol antioxidant, which is good for the body.

and apart from that, i'm finally leaving the island, and heading to a new camp. at least it is on mainland, and i won't have much problems having night's out. oh well... it's gonna be exciting...

ready to strike

it never ends

and it really is true that the chinese new year holiday was going to be dull for me. with nothing to do and all the shops closed for the time being, i'm being quartered within the four walls of my house. somehow i wish that i could go visiting, at least i would not waste my time at home sleeping and listening to music.

all of a sudden it dawned upon me that today is a monday. monday is actually a lovely day, if there's no work and no worries that is. especially at about noon or a little later than that, that's when it is most ideal to laze around in a cafe and chill out with some friends. and maybe you could talk about whats coming up in the week, discuss business models or holiday destinations. lots of things to do on a monday.

but i got nothing.

in my heart i truly wish that you'd see things from my point of view. understand why i sacrificed so much for. and know why i let my heart dangle on that cliff's edge just to open up your eyes. i guess i never told you that i don't want to see you on the other side when that time comes. i never told that God is one and only one. i never told you that i believe in He, and submit to Him, the one and only and no one else.

i've let you speak from your eyes too much. now it is time for you to close your eyes, and close your ears, and shut all your senses. have no thoughts. all you need to do is feel with your heart.

no two ways

it is interesting how different people chose to lead different lives. but it is even more intriguing how people who are akin to one another chose different paths in life. i can only heave a long and hard sigh, with a concoction of emotions swirling around in my heart.

God help me.

clouds!

yes! God brought clouds to cover the sunday skies! i love cloudy sundays!

clueless sunday

i don't have a clue. i'm puzzled. only couples are entitled to know each other's job? i know, it makes no sense to me too.

anyways today's a sunday. i want to hang out, go catch a movie, chill and hang out, eat, puff and leave all the worries behind. i guess i'll be returning to that wretched island tomorrow, giving me the whole of today to enjoy.

oh bummer it's going to be valentine's day this wednesday. so what have you guys got planned? somehow i feel that valentine's day on a wednesday is just a smash to the head. why? well because the next day is a freaking thursday, a work day. best day for a valentine's day: friday. without a shadow of a doubt. go figure.

i better be out of the house soon. i'll thrash about.

maybe i shouldn't

something came over me a few days back. i don't know why it happened but it just happened. i told myself to give her another chance. but why? i have no idea. probably it was the fact that i was feeling very lonely, or that i can't lay the past to rest. it can be painful at times i must admit, but sometimes the feeling simply dissipates and i feel an air of calmness. like when i hang out with my boys at the smoking corner, we can simply just let the world go away and leave it all behind. i think it is just the company of friends that helps to alleviate the hurt and distracts your mind from your day to day stresses.

thinking about the week that's passed, i realised that different parts of the week would conjure different moods. here's my day to day interpretation of the 5 days of the working week. or at least my working week:

monday
work has just begun, and i have a long way to go before i finally get to go home. i look at the forecast of training for the week, and plan my lessons accordingly. at night when i go to bed, i'd think of anything random, from my past to what i'd do in the future. and that includes the upcoming weekend which is in fact a number of days away.

tuesday
only one day had passed, so nothing special about the second day. i have to keep the enthusiasm going to last me till friday, and show my boys that i'm in the same situation as them. the nights are quiet and lonely, probably the most emotional of the 5 days as i begin to reminisce and immerse myself deep in my thoughts. i also think of the people around me, and wonder whether they know i exist, or just chose to ignore my existence.

wednesday
i'm halfway there, and trying to stretch for the weekend. but at times, i may feel like im stuck in the middle. 2 days passed and 2 days to go. stalemate. here i'd try to think about what i'd do on friday night, planning to enjoy my weekend while trying to make myself feel better about the slow and draggy week.

thursday
there's an aura that always accompany the thursday. the day would be as any other day, but the day would also beckon for the night, and then the night would beckon for the next day, which would be a friday unless the end of the world came springing up suddenly. i'd usually enjoy dinner at the SBL, or simply spend the night on the rooftop, staring at the sky and getting high. thursday nights are nice, because you'd think of going home, and you don't think of anything else.

friday
friday is d-day. it is the day where i would be able to go home. but, knowing that i'm in a training school, i'm always prepared to go home on a saturday morning, which is just a bummer. however the air on friday is just different. the morning would be slow and calm, then friday prayers at noon adds an air of serenity on top of the laid back day. and as the clock ticks towards the 5 o' clock mark, i would just be on alert, to get up and go. but if i were to stay back, the night would make me think even more. friday nights makes me think rationally, as i try to reason out the thoughts that i have had for the previous nights. then i told myself, maybe i shouldn't.

i'm kinda bummed by the fact that i'm not doing anything tonight apart from watching soccer at home. i was so enticed by the idea of going for a solo movie, meaning catching a movie alone. but i kinda fell asleep and woke up late. and i didn't know what show would be nice. maybe i'd go watch later... if i have the time.

suddenly i realise that doing things alone is just a darn sad thing to do. but hey i'm a living in a world where 6 billion people would live 6 billion different lives with 6 billion different needs... and 6 billion lonely people.

ooh ooh that honeymoon

all of a sudden my brain twitched and i thought about where i'd chose to go for my holidays and honeymoon. well i'd definitely go for more than one honeymoon because hey there are so many different places in the world that God made beautiful.

1. Paris
the city of love, the eiffel tower, the cobblestone streets, the alfresco cafes, the serenity of the parisian night...

2. Yellowstone National Park
nature at its most beautiful, the snow coated pine trees in winter, the grandeur of the snow covered mountain peaks...

3. Cruise over the atlantic
magnificent sunset over the wide open ocean, the cool wind plays with your senses, romantic nights on the ship's deck...

and if i may think of other prime destinations i'd be sure to pen it down. maybe Switzerland, Hawaii, Serengeti, Dubai, Turkey... i know there's more to say, but the mind is just an empty blank now.

the void on sunday

i think the span of a few hours between 1pm to about 4pm has a strange universal void going on. this may be due to the fact that i'm at home, rotting away and have nothing much to do except for staring at the computer screen and blogging away. but at least i'm somehow enjoying this. i kinda think of the times when sundays were kinda nice because i'd go out for movies or lunch, but oh well none of that anymore nowadays. i guess i'd wait for that time to come again and i'll be enjoying my sundays out in town.

ah now i know why this void-like feeling came in the first place: because i'm the book-in duty officer today! if i wasn't, then i'd be booking in tomorrow morning, and probably enjoy my 5 day work week, or even may take half day off on friday! but well at least i've got things to do on that secluded island, like conducting lessons and playing the guitar. but when i start thinking of unfinished work that has been conveniently shoved into my hands, i kinda want to scream out and thrash about like a fish out of the water... oh well maybe not. and when i thought i would slack for the night tonight and watch soccer on the tele, i realised that i have some outstanding issues to settle.

bummer.

well it is going to be a very short week, not in terms of the number of days but in terms of how quickly it is going to pass. and one thing i hate is not having things to do during the week so i'd better plan for some jammed-pack action for my boys! oh and there's a hand grenade live throw this mid-week. am i nervous? well... probably on the day i'd be feeling the jitters but i pray to God that nothing bad would happen to me, and to those around me. it's going to be fun though!

then thursday will come, and then the holy day, and then it is home sweet home! gotta start making plans for the upcoming weekend. anyone interested?

the beach run

somehow i just wished the beach was a couple of minute's walk from my place... i think i had already wished for that before. well running along the beach at night is certainly much nicer than running around my neighbourhood. you get to see lots of people, smell lots of barbecued charcoal and the food that's being charred, the blaring bass drumbeats from the bars and pubs and not forgetting the gentle breeze that makes you run like the wind. now that i think of it, maybe i should have covered more than 6km today, but i guess i became kinda lazy and well the thirst for green tea dropped on cue. now i'm starting to feel the effect of mr sandman's sparkles.

as usual, i took a bus home and of course had to have my music player on at all times during the journey. taking the bus home isn't such a bad thing despite the fact that the travelling time may feel like ages for some. for me, i'd just look outside the window panels and essentially looked around for beautiful scenarios, people, animals, well basically everything. it'd be better if i had my guitar, at least i can entertain the people on the bus with some songs...

now i was thinking... what if the brain were to be able to be switched off, well at least those parts of the brain that stores memory or that thinks. i'd love that idea. i think my brain needs to keep quiet because the neurons are firing away like a raging thunderstorm. sooner or later i think i might be going crazy. and now my brain cant even tell my eyes to stay open for awhile more. apparently the coffee that i was drinking didn't really work much.

i think i better hit the hay...

no need to brood, need music

somehow when i reach this dashboard page i forget what i was going to rant about. maybe give me a couple of moments...

okay done. i was thinking about this statement a couple of days back:

"i wished we/this/that (or whatever) never happened"

then i started thinking of the show "the butterfly effect" which somehow hushed the statement above. like a ripple that propagates across the surface of a water; it doesn't take anything particularly huge to be dropped to cause the ripples. then it made me think again: maybe we shouldn't wish that the past never happened (if it was bad that is), but we should be thankful that it happened because whatever goodness that lies ahead in the days to come is because of that past of yours. then again, that good thing in the future may just be your fate. and back to square one we go.

last week in camp was a rather terrible week, when tuesday came. i slept with my mp3 player running throughout the whole night, and woke up to a piece of dead gadget. i was extremely horrified because i desperately need music to operate and function as a sane human being. thus as a result, my nights became dull and sleepless. even after a can of green tea and something else i just can't seem to let the sandman cast his sleeping sparkles around. however despite sleeping at one in the morning for the past two days, i'm somewhat awake now, which means that i'll be going for a run at the beach tonight. that's something i've promised myself for a long time now.

okay. better go prep for tonight's run and leisure stroll at the beach.

beautiful gray sunday

and today i woke up late. damn. in my heart i was cursing myself for my inability to be aware of the ringing alarm. as a result, i woke up too late to go to the beach early for a lovely morning run. it's kind of a bummer that it takes an hour or so to commute to the beach from my place, thus i truly envy those staying in marine parade or anywhere near the beach for that matter. in the end, i still ran the boring route around my housing estate. i love running, but somehow it makes running less enjoyable.

i still have yet to eat something proper, apart from drinking milo in the morning before my run. i'm going to indulge on some mouth-watering dishes later, and at the same time, enjoy the beautiful gray sunday. i'm rather puzzled at why people dread the dark gray skies on sundays. i say it is the most beautiful thing that one can ever experience on a sunday, especially in the morning. the cold air give you the opportunity to make yourself a warm cup of coffee or tea to start your day with, then as you watch your favourite sunday morning tv shows, you sink your teeth into those crispy kaya toast. and for those with large appetites, maybe a half-boiled egg to start with? lovely isn't it?

my stomach is starting to grumble. time for brunch.

tired and on saturday

well it seems that i'm finally back from work. field camp has been nothing but fun, but also tiring for me and especially my section commanders for their help and effort in instructing the cougar boys. i must admit they are a fun bunch those cougar boys, but they do get out of hand if you don't control them well. at least for some of them...

but anyways i was so glad to finally reach my doorstep yesterday, though i was feeling extremely exhausted and sluggish, i managed to force out a smile when i saw my dad and and siblings. and like many other tired person, the first pit stop in the house was the soft and springy bed mattress. and of course my guitar, which i then jammed the tune of Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls.

it has been raining for a couple of hours now, and somehow it makes the saturday gloomier than ever. well that's what i see from my perspective at least. but then i think again. i love the rain because it makes the skies dark, and when the skies are gray i decide how to make it blue again for me and for those around me. so many things i can do, like going to the beach (even though it's wet but the sea looks magnificent when pummelled by those rain drops), catching a movie (even watching alone can be a good experience because you'll be able to concentrate on the show more), and not forgetting shopping or even window shopping. and to end the day off, chill out at a nice spot overlooking the peaceful cityscape, or the distant sea while sipping an ice cold frap. when no one is around to accompany you, this is what you do.

i've always thought i needed her, oh how wrong was i. i'm living a love-hate relationship... with life.

down, down, drown

i'm going through the troughs of my life again, and well i must admit it isn't a very healthy thing to be caught in. i can hardly sleep at night, and i'd usually sleep with the lights on. things are just not going my way, and well i can't really expect it to go my way all the time. well firstly, my new room is infested with a host of insects that apparently knows how to hide themselves from me. i always get insect bites at night, and the worst thing that happened so far was waking up to a swollen elbow. and secondly, the roof would leak. rainwater would somehow trickle from the crevices and drip onto the right side of my bed. yes, half of my bed is now soaked, and i only sleep on the other half. the bed was not the only thing that was drenched, the floor too. something like dark water. gosh everything suck.

i was doing regular internet surfing and i found this:

"i just wished we never happened, and you never came along, and you never said yes, because now the hurt remains and will forever be a thorn in the heart. why was i so stupid to have even let it happen... i hate myself, i can't bring myself to say i hate you. i do still love you. maybe. i just don't know.."

truly i feel for this guy, i know his hurt, i know his sorrows. it's kinda amazing like how many people have problems with their relationships, and well it's not that hard to find out too especially if it is posted on the net. sigh, wish i could help him out.

oh well i guess i won't be putting anything up for some time now. i'll be out in the field next weekend (oh great) and would probably only be out on the following weekend. and well what's the weekend anyways, probably hang out awhile and then have to get home to do work. maybe if i have a long weekend i'd watch football outside, and maybe catch a late show. it's raining now, and usually i love the rain, but not today. maybe next time if it rains on a sunday, and if i have no work on monday, i'd give the beach a visit. maybe i could sing a couple of tunes and cry to the sound of the rain.

unlucky me

okay i didn't expect myself to listen to malay songs, but i guess im kinda in the mood for it nowadays, well technically not all malay songs, but i kinda stumbled across peterpan and i must admit they are pretty good. yes yes i may be slow to only find out about them now, but seriously they are good. oh and well they are not actually malay songs, but indo songs, and amazingly i am able to understand what they are singing about. finally a change of music.

i have this feeling that i'm a rather unlucky person, and i kinda found that out when i was walking home just now. probably it was the cool and dark night that somehow fired up the neurons in my brain and triggered the thinking, but yes it was a very interesting feeling i must say. why am i unlucky? well it is kind of a controversial thing to spew out so i'd rather hush up about it. well maybe one day if i feel that controversy doesn't affect me then i'd probably spill my guts out.

i must say, taking long walks are actually a very effective way to de-stress. i just love walking, apart from running to nowhere which would be slightly more tiring. and what would make the long walks better? music of course. grab that handy mp3 player and i'd probably walk for hours while being immersed in the sounds of my favourite tunes. well i wouldn't recommend having slipknot or kiss to accompany you during your journey because they'd probably make you want to kick every single dustbin you see along the way. and try not to walk where there's heavy traffic; you might be 'smogged'.

tomorrow is a work day and it's back to work. the sad thing is that my upcoming weekend would be going up in smoke because new boys are going to school. i wonder how they'd be like... and i really pray hard that i'd at least get a few days off from work the following week so that i may rest... oh well that's life for me.

and to all those that were present at wei jie's place on saturday, thank you for coming. it is a blessing to know that after all these years, we could still be as we were 3 years ago. hope to meet up with the rest of the guys that were unable to make it.

okay, now to finish up the mamee, apple juice and this entry.

another one?

i got this off from someone, where i got it i can't really say in case this person's identity is accidentally disclosed. i have no idea how i stumbled across it, but here it goes:

"thinking about the past makes me regret the things that i never did, the things i never gave, and the things i never said. and as i thought about it over and over again, i toss and turn around, plagued by sleepless nights and emotional instability. basically, i regret what had happened.

as i thought about you, the gaping hole in my heart widens as its walls crumble to the darkest of depths. the way you are, the way you feel, the way you are everything to me. were, not are. how could this have happened? that is a question that resonates in my head whenever my mind lapses. it breaks me down emotionally, like smashing a pillar. i feel so burdened.

you were my everything. now i've lost everything. goodbye."

seriously i hope that this person, whether he or she, is okay. i truly know how it feels. one has to learn to pick one's self up and everything would return to normal, hopefully.

twenty-o-seven today

well well its twenty-o-seven already and i spent day one talking on the phone from 0015 hrs to 0615 hrs, then sleeping till 1330 hrs, then watching tv till 1600 hrs, and then sleeping till 2000 hrs. cool huh? such a sleepy day the first of jan is. i think i better go do something productive tomorrow morning...

anyways i'm glad that the new year is here, and with the new year comes new stuff. i want to do new things, make new friends and buy new stuff, like probably a walkman phone or something. and looking back at 2006 i'm glad that i was able to keep in contact with my friends from jc because it has been a year since we went out own was. and of course someone whom i kinda left alone for close to 2 years, surprisingly clicked almost instantly with me. and so the new year isn't that bad after all.

i think life is being a little bit more complicated for me now. i can't really say it yet, because i'm rather uncertain about what is going to become of it. it happened so fast that i didn't have time to react. now im caught in the tangles; looking around for possible avenues for stress-relieving methods that would probably help me see this situation from an eagle's view.

happy twenty-o-seven.