forbidden happy things

i had this dream of her. cute, honest. seeing her, though subconsciously, kindles the warmth in my heart. maybe because i missed her presence as the days felt like weeks. then again, it was a beautiful dream.

and i called her. i was rather surprised the number did work, despite being a super long string of numbers that i doubt anyone could memorise. but thank goodness, i had it saved in my phone. and you know since when? since my BMT days of course, and also the time when she was away the longest. i hated her for that, well not really hate, well you get the idea.

i thought to myself, maybe she is indeed a strong person deep down inside. she's definitely much stronger than her sister, and of course definitely more independent than her, and not to mention more resilient than her. us being together still is a testament to your strength.

probably you may be the most foolish person on earth, but every coin has its two sides. lay the coin to rest and let the right face show, for as long as we may live.

its been a long time, but, je t'aime.

A lapse in time, memory's shortfall

i realised that it has been weeks since i've placed anything up to be read and shared. i guess it must be the constant stresses of work and other priorities that come into play. lots of things have happened since the last time, and i must say so many things can indeed happen in such a short time.

i'm not to sure whether i should be thankful, or dread the fact that i'm back on the island when i belong. one of my friends said that it is a good thing, and well maybe i'll just listen to him and take his word for it. life on the island is somewhat relaxing at time, but can be a bore, a chore and a pain in the bum-bums when paperwork starts to bog you down. but other than that, i'd take my island life.

recently things starts to get a tad topsy turvy with people coming in and out and things just start happening without any rhyme nor reason. i can't explain why either. and the more i think of it, the more my head wants to pop open and release the thousands of yellow chicks screaming "argh! argh!".

on a separate topic, my computer is giving my lots of problems. it loves to freeze, which in turn makes me punch the computer tower. i've knocked it several times already, and well it kinda seems pretty screwed up but hey its working right now so im not complaining. i'm just pretty vexed that i'm unable to get Heroes and i'm gonna punch the computer really soon.

yesterday, i managed to catch Spiderman 3 on the movies (finally) and well was quite excited. however, my movie experience was partially ruined because of ill-disciplined children who don't know how to keep their bloody mouths shut. as much as i love kids, these kids deserved to be hanged up on a wall, with a hook to their pants. then hire some imps to poke their buttocks with sizzling hot iron rods while laughing gleefully and their crying faces. oh don't forget to bind and gag them so that they'd make little movements and little sound. but mainly i blame their irresponsible parents who don't ask the kids to shut up. if i were to scream and shout, i'd shout at those stupid parents (mothers) who don't even bother to tell their kids to keep mouths sealed. for your information, they were just watching the shows happily ignoring their kids while other movie goers were shhh-ing away. hope they trip and fall on their way home, sprain their ankles and can't walk for 3 months... wait... make that 6...

anyways, i'm like a ticking time bomb, waiting for the triggering moment to just blow up. and i'm still waiting.

a note to oneself

our lives are what we deem it to be, be it prosperous or impoverished, gleeful or sorrow-laden, or faithful or reckless. most of the time i think we tend to overlook this fact, because we are simply human beings. we are indeed at times lazy to make the decisive change in our lives to make it better, to kick in into full gear and coast along the highway that is our life.

many a times, we tend to blame failures on external factors. 'it was raining'. 'i didn't have enough time'. 'she was late, which resulted in me being late'. common excuses that are being used countless times because we simply refuse to look at ourselves for the mistake that we've committed. simply put it: we always think we are perfect and that if we do things according to what we planned for, a discrepancy in its execution is always due to the negligence of others.

there are also those who are deemed as the 'hopeless case', always at the negative end, have personal grudges with their own lives and are basically dissatisfied with how their lives are. it is not that they are unable to break the shackles of their misery, but rather they are unknowingly unwilling to do so. think of it as being in a locked cage, and that the lock can only be opened if you slaughter a chicken. people would be reluctant to slaughter the chicken, but well slaughtering a chicken isn't a very difficult thing to do. so it boils down to the case of whether you have the will to escape from your emotional troughs and soar back up to its peaks. it is always mind over matter.

something also struck me, a spiritually strong person is emotionally strong. but you must have the right faith.

imagine, the blind

i guess this place has been left rather untouched for far too long now. i've been busy for the past few weeks, juggling work and more work and some issues. fortunately, it has come to a point where the dust has settle, and so am i. so here i am penning down my thoughts like nobody's business hoping to gain some attention from unsuspecting surfers.

i've been thinking of this for quite some time: can the blind imagine how things were to look like? especially if they were born blind. anyone knows anyone who's born blind? i'd just like to find out because this is one of those things that not many people would think of and would ponder about. and well somehow i believe that though it may seem to be a curse or handicap to them, they might have something special about them that they have yet to discover.

anyways i'm kinda glad that i'm clean. been more than 2 weeks without the smokes, though somehow i feel that it isn't that hard to quit if you actually have things to preoccupy yourself with. like for me, i preoccupy myself with work, people and of course chocolates. yup, i'm a choco junky and i think it has become my secondary addiction. oh well, eat dark chocolates yea? at least they have the flavinol antioxidant, which is good for the body.

and apart from that, i'm finally leaving the island, and heading to a new camp. at least it is on mainland, and i won't have much problems having night's out. oh well... it's gonna be exciting...

ready to strike