the dominant one

once again, in camp. blogging from camp. sad, but otherwise a privilege given. nowadays, i'm feeling the stress. to think that once being a platoon commander in guards was hard, under my new oc was just as so. freedom to handle my own off days has been restricted, and i feel that someone is always breathing down my neck. honestly, arrows fly around looking for fresh meat to sink its sharp pointy head into. argh, hate it.

anyways it is peaceful now. and i'm loving it. wondering when will i go fishing though...

the war within

he was a simple and ordinary person. but deep within him lies a dark room. a room that holds not one, but two of him. they live in harmony at times, but see conflict as part of their day to day struggle for dominance. both of them want power, the power to live the life out of their four-sided box, the power to control, and the power to influence.

it is a struggle that he has to live with. the decisions that he has to make, the actions that he chooses and the path that he takes. above him looms the air of uncertainty, the shroud of confusion that blocks his judgement. he says it is hard being him. and yes, some do agree. but he brought it upon himself. he was naive, never did look past the dark clouds above.

until lately, he was drawn too deep into the web of life. entangled and with nowhere to go to, he has only his friends around to provide him company, but only for the time being. once away from them, his mind falls and sinks into the darkness, into the room where they bicker and quarrel over power and control. he is all but helpless at times, watching the two of them have a go at each other.

he knows. he is aware of their presence, and they are aware of his. but none of them are in the same physical state. he knows what they are, and knows he has a choice because he has the power to choose.

one of them says "live the good life!" the other screams "you only live once, let's have fun!"

can't there be a balance? or should we just end this all? he cries...

an excerpt by ms demon in exit

about guitar

today i played the guitar ill my left wrist got sore and my fingers got cut. i don't freaking care. kinda frustrating when your guitar doesn't feel good to you anymore. gosh i gotta change them strings. and i need a new bridge for the guitar. sheesh. its an old acoustic guitar anyways.

and i need a les paul. now.

one day down

i can't really fall asleep. i feel like a fat piece of mush. i need exercise. i guess going back to camp, and starting the next batch would somehow spur me on to tone up. furthermore, ahm is coming up in august. i'm gonna do a crash conditioning of my body to run the whole 21km.

apart from that, i've been having pretty weird dreams lately. the first strange one was a couple of days back, where i dreamt of going into the future and stumbled across a wedding. at first i thought it was mine, but come to think of it, the guy seemed to be the polar opposite of me. the second would be dreaming of a person. the third, if there was one, i can't really remember. but this afternoon while i was napping away, i dreamt of going somewhere far away for class. and well, i rode on my computer chair, yes the one with 5 wheels, and coast on the expressway. then, i found myself in a cave, fighting monsters, an ability which i was apparently very skilled at. after all that fighting, while heading home (riding on my chair), i stopped at a bus stop where a group of 'bengs' tried to tick me off. of course one of them had his arm almost broken by me, while the rest stole my wallet and handphone. i went after two of then, giving them a nice punch to the head, but the rest managed to run away. i then threatened to call the police.

the phone rang and i realised it was three in the afternoon. bummer.

but anyways, i felt that i've wasted most parts of today. i should've gone to cold storage. damn.

unexpected

it's been quite awhile since i've had something to say about the world i live in. you may even call me crazy because i'm one crazy ass who bothers to type and vent his frustrations online. somehow i think i am, but hey, i'm just doing this for the fun of it.

anyways, i'm mentally preparing myself for 9 days of in camp stay-in due to the next intake coming this saturday. currently, i'm wasting my precious time away, lazing around at home while immersing myself in the homely ambiance of my room. and not to mention, lazy afternoon naps, crazy solo-shopping and making sweet music on my guitar (oh i just learnt how to play 75% of hotel california in about 4 hours today). kudos to a laid back lifestyle.

somehow, before logging on the the computer, i seem to have a swarm of ideas and thoughts buzzing around in my head. right now, i think all of them left my head. strange.

oh yea.. let's talk about my new camp. one of my friends, Salman, say that he had a ghostly encounter during his duty in the company. he "heard banging noises" coming from the store room, more precisely, the metal cupboard inside the store room. with my sheer skepticism, i jumped to an immediate conclusion that the noise was to have been caused by a mouse (or a rat), a monitor lizard (yes they do run around at times, pretty scary), a cat (which i haven't seen in the camp premises yet) or a dog (a puppy perhaps). or maybe it could be:

the contraction of the metal cupboard in the cool evening due to the drop in temperature, causing the metal shelves to warp and distort because of the uneven contraction of the metals. hence, items that may have been placed in precarious or awkward positions in the cupboard may have fell off, or been dislodged or nudged out of its original position.

=)

i'm in one of my genius moods again. then again, i have been wrong. who knows, right?

on a side note, the camp is rather cosy and peaceful, with no one to bother me, or bother us for that matter. and i must say, sleeping on a new mattress, with new blankets and new pillows, not forgetting new bedsheets and pillow cases, makes sleeping a great pleasure.

call me if you decide to drop by. i'll show ya ma crib.

angst at work

i don't know why, but lately, it seems to me that i tend to get angry at the slightest of things. i get agitated more often, annoyed more easily, and filled with angst most of the time. i can't be having my period. i don't bloody got no period.. okay well that's besides the point. anyways, i keep telling myself that some human beings are seriously retarded in some ways, especially the singapore-type ones. then again, i am a singapore-type one.

anyways here are what we self-absorbed bird brains tend to do without realising it ourselves:

1. not moving to the rear of the bus even though there's ample space to fit a fat arsed elephant humping a hippopotamus
   
2. walking in groups in an extended-line formation and blocking the escalator, or creating a human road block in shopping malls
   
3. resting one's knees onto the back of the backrest of the seat in front (applicable to buses) to the extent of the backrest actually breaking away from its metal frame

i'm pretty sure the list is non-exhaustive, but i am exhausted and hence this list becomes exhaustive.

then again, i'd love to share my views on those ABSD (applied behavioural science department) personnel in charge of conducting surveys for us serving the nation. i guess there must be a criteria to be met in order to be entrusted with the duties of carrying out the survey. they are:

1. loud
2. able to nag
3. long-winded
4. irritable
5. irritating
6. annoying
7. irrational
8. one-tracked mind
9. bird brain(s)

once again, the above mentioned list is non-exhaustive, and you may add what you feel may be the most appropriate qualities that they should possess. i would go on dissing them, but i feel that there's no point in doing such a thing. we all know that what they do, and how they act makes them alike to our animal counterparts, and of course their one-tracked minds makes it impossible to introduce more efficient methods to them.

kudos, i say.

great annoyance

i'm starting to think singapore is beginning to become more and more mundane and boring to me. well this probably isn't the first time i'm thinking of this, but hey, on this sunny island, there are not many things to do and places to see. then again, it's kinda cosy living here though.

okay enough of this rhetoric. i'm writing to complain about people around me. the other day i was tasked to carry out duties as a tour guide during one of the enlistments and i got quite fed up with some of the parents. not because they asked me too many questions, but they asked me bloody dumbass questions that simply pokes me in the buttocks.

one example of such questions would be: "how often can my son wash his clothes? are you guys going to tell him when to wash his clothes and how?" come on lady, if your son does not know how to wash his own clothes using his own pair of hands, he might as well cut off his own two arms and shit on them. children nowadays are pampered, no wait, they are f**king pampered. and well, i blame the parents! bloody hell!

i can't remember the other questions, but all i could remember was that it was annoying and irrelevant. if the questions were like for example, "is my son going to be as tough as you after 9 weeks?", then at least i'll be glad to answer them. but to be honest, i was only agitated at those questions that were somewhat stupid in nature. can't really describe them, but when you hear them, you'd take a jack knife and cut their throats.

anyways, i told the parents "don't worry about your son. just throw him in here and let him suffer. we'll take care of him and you don't have to be too overly worried or concerned. rest assured, he'll be a better person, more of a man at the end of his 9 weeks in here."

if we were to go to war, our 3G pussy soldiers will cower in their tiny 5-room apartments.

sunday

there's just something about sundays that makes it... well... unique compared to other days. and as far as i can remember, i haven't been out on a sunday afternoon for weeks. i guess this can be attributed to the fact that sunday so happens to be book-in day for many of us, and i'd reserve my sundays with my family. but thinking about the 24 hours that goes into the whole of sunday can be quite interesting. let's begin analysing it from the start of sunday.

0000 hrs - 0800 hrs
i'll still be in bed, dreaming, and hoping that it would rain outside because a rainy sunday morning brings a blessed aura. and it's lovely too.

0800 hrs - 1000 hrs
time for breakfast. breakfast won't take 2 hours though. probably i'd take my time to shower and fry some ommelette.

1000 hrs - afternoon
well... 2 things i can do. one, i could stay at home, glued to my computer or my xbox 360, counting the time away until i'll force myself to get ready to book in to camp. two, i could hang out, catch a movie, take a long stroll and have a nice sunday afternoon tea outside.

night
ok i must admit, only the afternoon is fun. at night it is sleep time in my 2-men bunk. eurgh.

for me to have written all of these means that i'm bored to death. for the past 4 days i've probably been very unproductive, except for the 5km run. other than that... gosh i feel like mush.

forbidden happy things

i had this dream of her. cute, honest. seeing her, though subconsciously, kindles the warmth in my heart. maybe because i missed her presence as the days felt like weeks. then again, it was a beautiful dream.

and i called her. i was rather surprised the number did work, despite being a super long string of numbers that i doubt anyone could memorise. but thank goodness, i had it saved in my phone. and you know since when? since my BMT days of course, and also the time when she was away the longest. i hated her for that, well not really hate, well you get the idea.

i thought to myself, maybe she is indeed a strong person deep down inside. she's definitely much stronger than her sister, and of course definitely more independent than her, and not to mention more resilient than her. us being together still is a testament to your strength.

probably you may be the most foolish person on earth, but every coin has its two sides. lay the coin to rest and let the right face show, for as long as we may live.

its been a long time, but, je t'aime.

the longest friday

if you haven't heard the latest songs by Maroon 5, the only thing i could say to you is "what are you waiting for?" with tracks like 'if i never see your face again', 'makes me wonder', 'wake up call' and lots more, you are bound to be hooked on their funky new tunes. the band makes use of catchy lyrics, coupled with the right melody to portray a story with every song that is being played. my personal favourite is 'wake up call'. if you were to listen to the keyboards and guitars, you'd hear the dark and mysterious nature of the song, somewhat like a rainy Gotham City crime scene kind of setting. 'it won't be soon before long' is a definite must have for those Maroon 5 fans out there.

sometimes i lay to waste listening to songs. time seems to float past without a trace and i'm left gazing into the ceiling while being phased into another realm. today, some bad things happened to me, well not exactly bad things, but they were more of undesired than bad. okay first up was the heavy downpour that caught me by surprise before i went to the mosque for my prayers. then i thought to myself that i had to brave the rain no matter what, of course, with an umbrella in hand to aid me in my journey.

as i walked to the bus stop, pools of rainwater started to puddle everywhere, and basically i had no choice but to step through it. i was thinking to myself when i stepped into those puddles. i was no longer afraid of getting my feet wet anymore. probably due to the fact that i still have soldier-like qualities in me, or maybe that i just can't be bothered.

and so i got down the bus, and i was about a hundred metres from the mosque when a blue mini whizzed pass me at great speeds. the result, water splashed onto my denim jeans, soaking it from waist down and sending cold chills up my spine. yes up my spine. to my surprise, i wasn't the least mad. and yes it was a huge surprise, seriously, coming from a rage-o-holic like me. then again, must be the calm in me before my prayers.

oh well... now i am at home with nothing to do, and rotting my flesh away. if only there were great shows on the tele, then i won't be so grumpy as of now. grrr...

and with every second that floats by, i'm thinking of her.

when will she call me again?

when will i see her again?