ooh ooh that honeymoon

all of a sudden my brain twitched and i thought about where i'd chose to go for my holidays and honeymoon. well i'd definitely go for more than one honeymoon because hey there are so many different places in the world that God made beautiful.

1. Paris
the city of love, the eiffel tower, the cobblestone streets, the alfresco cafes, the serenity of the parisian night...

2. Yellowstone National Park
nature at its most beautiful, the snow coated pine trees in winter, the grandeur of the snow covered mountain peaks...

3. Cruise over the atlantic
magnificent sunset over the wide open ocean, the cool wind plays with your senses, romantic nights on the ship's deck...

and if i may think of other prime destinations i'd be sure to pen it down. maybe Switzerland, Hawaii, Serengeti, Dubai, Turkey... i know there's more to say, but the mind is just an empty blank now.

the void on sunday

i think the span of a few hours between 1pm to about 4pm has a strange universal void going on. this may be due to the fact that i'm at home, rotting away and have nothing much to do except for staring at the computer screen and blogging away. but at least i'm somehow enjoying this. i kinda think of the times when sundays were kinda nice because i'd go out for movies or lunch, but oh well none of that anymore nowadays. i guess i'd wait for that time to come again and i'll be enjoying my sundays out in town.

ah now i know why this void-like feeling came in the first place: because i'm the book-in duty officer today! if i wasn't, then i'd be booking in tomorrow morning, and probably enjoy my 5 day work week, or even may take half day off on friday! but well at least i've got things to do on that secluded island, like conducting lessons and playing the guitar. but when i start thinking of unfinished work that has been conveniently shoved into my hands, i kinda want to scream out and thrash about like a fish out of the water... oh well maybe not. and when i thought i would slack for the night tonight and watch soccer on the tele, i realised that i have some outstanding issues to settle.

bummer.

well it is going to be a very short week, not in terms of the number of days but in terms of how quickly it is going to pass. and one thing i hate is not having things to do during the week so i'd better plan for some jammed-pack action for my boys! oh and there's a hand grenade live throw this mid-week. am i nervous? well... probably on the day i'd be feeling the jitters but i pray to God that nothing bad would happen to me, and to those around me. it's going to be fun though!

then thursday will come, and then the holy day, and then it is home sweet home! gotta start making plans for the upcoming weekend. anyone interested?

the beach run

somehow i just wished the beach was a couple of minute's walk from my place... i think i had already wished for that before. well running along the beach at night is certainly much nicer than running around my neighbourhood. you get to see lots of people, smell lots of barbecued charcoal and the food that's being charred, the blaring bass drumbeats from the bars and pubs and not forgetting the gentle breeze that makes you run like the wind. now that i think of it, maybe i should have covered more than 6km today, but i guess i became kinda lazy and well the thirst for green tea dropped on cue. now i'm starting to feel the effect of mr sandman's sparkles.

as usual, i took a bus home and of course had to have my music player on at all times during the journey. taking the bus home isn't such a bad thing despite the fact that the travelling time may feel like ages for some. for me, i'd just look outside the window panels and essentially looked around for beautiful scenarios, people, animals, well basically everything. it'd be better if i had my guitar, at least i can entertain the people on the bus with some songs...

now i was thinking... what if the brain were to be able to be switched off, well at least those parts of the brain that stores memory or that thinks. i'd love that idea. i think my brain needs to keep quiet because the neurons are firing away like a raging thunderstorm. sooner or later i think i might be going crazy. and now my brain cant even tell my eyes to stay open for awhile more. apparently the coffee that i was drinking didn't really work much.

i think i better hit the hay...

no need to brood, need music

somehow when i reach this dashboard page i forget what i was going to rant about. maybe give me a couple of moments...

okay done. i was thinking about this statement a couple of days back:

"i wished we/this/that (or whatever) never happened"

then i started thinking of the show "the butterfly effect" which somehow hushed the statement above. like a ripple that propagates across the surface of a water; it doesn't take anything particularly huge to be dropped to cause the ripples. then it made me think again: maybe we shouldn't wish that the past never happened (if it was bad that is), but we should be thankful that it happened because whatever goodness that lies ahead in the days to come is because of that past of yours. then again, that good thing in the future may just be your fate. and back to square one we go.

last week in camp was a rather terrible week, when tuesday came. i slept with my mp3 player running throughout the whole night, and woke up to a piece of dead gadget. i was extremely horrified because i desperately need music to operate and function as a sane human being. thus as a result, my nights became dull and sleepless. even after a can of green tea and something else i just can't seem to let the sandman cast his sleeping sparkles around. however despite sleeping at one in the morning for the past two days, i'm somewhat awake now, which means that i'll be going for a run at the beach tonight. that's something i've promised myself for a long time now.

okay. better go prep for tonight's run and leisure stroll at the beach.

beautiful gray sunday

and today i woke up late. damn. in my heart i was cursing myself for my inability to be aware of the ringing alarm. as a result, i woke up too late to go to the beach early for a lovely morning run. it's kind of a bummer that it takes an hour or so to commute to the beach from my place, thus i truly envy those staying in marine parade or anywhere near the beach for that matter. in the end, i still ran the boring route around my housing estate. i love running, but somehow it makes running less enjoyable.

i still have yet to eat something proper, apart from drinking milo in the morning before my run. i'm going to indulge on some mouth-watering dishes later, and at the same time, enjoy the beautiful gray sunday. i'm rather puzzled at why people dread the dark gray skies on sundays. i say it is the most beautiful thing that one can ever experience on a sunday, especially in the morning. the cold air give you the opportunity to make yourself a warm cup of coffee or tea to start your day with, then as you watch your favourite sunday morning tv shows, you sink your teeth into those crispy kaya toast. and for those with large appetites, maybe a half-boiled egg to start with? lovely isn't it?

my stomach is starting to grumble. time for brunch.

tired and on saturday

well it seems that i'm finally back from work. field camp has been nothing but fun, but also tiring for me and especially my section commanders for their help and effort in instructing the cougar boys. i must admit they are a fun bunch those cougar boys, but they do get out of hand if you don't control them well. at least for some of them...

but anyways i was so glad to finally reach my doorstep yesterday, though i was feeling extremely exhausted and sluggish, i managed to force out a smile when i saw my dad and and siblings. and like many other tired person, the first pit stop in the house was the soft and springy bed mattress. and of course my guitar, which i then jammed the tune of Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls.

it has been raining for a couple of hours now, and somehow it makes the saturday gloomier than ever. well that's what i see from my perspective at least. but then i think again. i love the rain because it makes the skies dark, and when the skies are gray i decide how to make it blue again for me and for those around me. so many things i can do, like going to the beach (even though it's wet but the sea looks magnificent when pummelled by those rain drops), catching a movie (even watching alone can be a good experience because you'll be able to concentrate on the show more), and not forgetting shopping or even window shopping. and to end the day off, chill out at a nice spot overlooking the peaceful cityscape, or the distant sea while sipping an ice cold frap. when no one is around to accompany you, this is what you do.

i've always thought i needed her, oh how wrong was i. i'm living a love-hate relationship... with life.

down, down, drown

i'm going through the troughs of my life again, and well i must admit it isn't a very healthy thing to be caught in. i can hardly sleep at night, and i'd usually sleep with the lights on. things are just not going my way, and well i can't really expect it to go my way all the time. well firstly, my new room is infested with a host of insects that apparently knows how to hide themselves from me. i always get insect bites at night, and the worst thing that happened so far was waking up to a swollen elbow. and secondly, the roof would leak. rainwater would somehow trickle from the crevices and drip onto the right side of my bed. yes, half of my bed is now soaked, and i only sleep on the other half. the bed was not the only thing that was drenched, the floor too. something like dark water. gosh everything suck.

i was doing regular internet surfing and i found this:

"i just wished we never happened, and you never came along, and you never said yes, because now the hurt remains and will forever be a thorn in the heart. why was i so stupid to have even let it happen... i hate myself, i can't bring myself to say i hate you. i do still love you. maybe. i just don't know.."

truly i feel for this guy, i know his hurt, i know his sorrows. it's kinda amazing like how many people have problems with their relationships, and well it's not that hard to find out too especially if it is posted on the net. sigh, wish i could help him out.

oh well i guess i won't be putting anything up for some time now. i'll be out in the field next weekend (oh great) and would probably only be out on the following weekend. and well what's the weekend anyways, probably hang out awhile and then have to get home to do work. maybe if i have a long weekend i'd watch football outside, and maybe catch a late show. it's raining now, and usually i love the rain, but not today. maybe next time if it rains on a sunday, and if i have no work on monday, i'd give the beach a visit. maybe i could sing a couple of tunes and cry to the sound of the rain.

unlucky me

okay i didn't expect myself to listen to malay songs, but i guess im kinda in the mood for it nowadays, well technically not all malay songs, but i kinda stumbled across peterpan and i must admit they are pretty good. yes yes i may be slow to only find out about them now, but seriously they are good. oh and well they are not actually malay songs, but indo songs, and amazingly i am able to understand what they are singing about. finally a change of music.

i have this feeling that i'm a rather unlucky person, and i kinda found that out when i was walking home just now. probably it was the cool and dark night that somehow fired up the neurons in my brain and triggered the thinking, but yes it was a very interesting feeling i must say. why am i unlucky? well it is kind of a controversial thing to spew out so i'd rather hush up about it. well maybe one day if i feel that controversy doesn't affect me then i'd probably spill my guts out.

i must say, taking long walks are actually a very effective way to de-stress. i just love walking, apart from running to nowhere which would be slightly more tiring. and what would make the long walks better? music of course. grab that handy mp3 player and i'd probably walk for hours while being immersed in the sounds of my favourite tunes. well i wouldn't recommend having slipknot or kiss to accompany you during your journey because they'd probably make you want to kick every single dustbin you see along the way. and try not to walk where there's heavy traffic; you might be 'smogged'.

tomorrow is a work day and it's back to work. the sad thing is that my upcoming weekend would be going up in smoke because new boys are going to school. i wonder how they'd be like... and i really pray hard that i'd at least get a few days off from work the following week so that i may rest... oh well that's life for me.

and to all those that were present at wei jie's place on saturday, thank you for coming. it is a blessing to know that after all these years, we could still be as we were 3 years ago. hope to meet up with the rest of the guys that were unable to make it.

okay, now to finish up the mamee, apple juice and this entry.

another one?

i got this off from someone, where i got it i can't really say in case this person's identity is accidentally disclosed. i have no idea how i stumbled across it, but here it goes:

"thinking about the past makes me regret the things that i never did, the things i never gave, and the things i never said. and as i thought about it over and over again, i toss and turn around, plagued by sleepless nights and emotional instability. basically, i regret what had happened.

as i thought about you, the gaping hole in my heart widens as its walls crumble to the darkest of depths. the way you are, the way you feel, the way you are everything to me. were, not are. how could this have happened? that is a question that resonates in my head whenever my mind lapses. it breaks me down emotionally, like smashing a pillar. i feel so burdened.

you were my everything. now i've lost everything. goodbye."

seriously i hope that this person, whether he or she, is okay. i truly know how it feels. one has to learn to pick one's self up and everything would return to normal, hopefully.

twenty-o-seven today

well well its twenty-o-seven already and i spent day one talking on the phone from 0015 hrs to 0615 hrs, then sleeping till 1330 hrs, then watching tv till 1600 hrs, and then sleeping till 2000 hrs. cool huh? such a sleepy day the first of jan is. i think i better go do something productive tomorrow morning...

anyways i'm glad that the new year is here, and with the new year comes new stuff. i want to do new things, make new friends and buy new stuff, like probably a walkman phone or something. and looking back at 2006 i'm glad that i was able to keep in contact with my friends from jc because it has been a year since we went out own was. and of course someone whom i kinda left alone for close to 2 years, surprisingly clicked almost instantly with me. and so the new year isn't that bad after all.

i think life is being a little bit more complicated for me now. i can't really say it yet, because i'm rather uncertain about what is going to become of it. it happened so fast that i didn't have time to react. now im caught in the tangles; looking around for possible avenues for stress-relieving methods that would probably help me see this situation from an eagle's view.

happy twenty-o-seven.